Firm, Limp or Sweaty

Posted by Scott Williams
10 Comments
October 15, 2007
Leadership | Random

THAT’S RIGHT, I’M TALKING ABOUT A HANDSHAKE! 

As a father, one of the things that I teach my boys is to look someone in the eyes and give them a firm handshake.  I know some people probably think that a handshake does not really matter; however I would like to disagree.  Just think of the last time that you shook someone’s hand and either got a sweaty, limp, firm or bone-crushing shake; and the subconscious impressions that you made about that person.  There are some handshakes that you definitely don’t forget! 

When I worked in corrections the inmates and I had an understanding that I would not shake their hands but rather give them dap (meeting our fists together).  I didn’t choose to not shake their hand to be rude; however we had a mutual understanding that they had a lot of idle alone-time (grin) and there was not a lot of hand washing in prison.  While working in politics I would go with the bone-crushing shake; people would never forget who I was.  BTW-I really like for women to have a firm shake, even a bone-crushing shake; however my wife has not totally bought in to this concept.  Since I have been in ministry I have downgraded to a moderately firm shake, because early on I figured out that it wasn’t cool that the pastor was crushing hands.  At the end of the day, I prefer a simple firm handshake; no matter the gender and if you’re a guy and we have not seen one another in awhile, we can do what I call the one-handed-grip-hug. If you want your handshake to display self-confidence in the United States, the proper shake should include:

  • Make eye contact and stand if you are seated        
  • Give a firm handshake for about 3 seconds 
  •  Shake a couple of times and release 

Is a handshake really that important?  What type of handshake do you give/prefer and does gender matter?  Whose hand would you like to shake?  Share your thoughts and handshaking stories!

  • http://hamfighters.blogspot.com Patrick Sievert

    Scott,
    Great thoughts.

    I’m a single-shake kind of guy. Firm, hard and fast. Down, up, back down to where you started, and release. For the hello handshake anyway.

    For the good-bye handshake, I might make a shake and a half. Down, up, down, and then right back to where you started.

    Eye contact is imperative though. Eye contact says your a “stand-up guy” (or girl).

    The fist pound shows a mutual understanding between fellas.

    With girls, I’ll often use the high-five. If we’re clsoe, I might go for the hand-hug (you give a high-five, and then wrap your thumb around for the hug).

    All in all, your hand-to-hand contact is pretty important in a relationship. It tells the person a lot about yourself, and a lot about how you feel about them.

  • Scott Williams

    Patrick- Good Thoughts! I am down w/ the fist pound!

  • Roger

    The handshake is the first impression before the first impression. If you screw that up then it really doesn’t matter what you say after that. The impression will still be that his or her handshake was weird and that is difficult to overcome.
    You also have to be careful about using one of the friends handshakes too early in the relationship. Some people take offense to getting a friend handshake the 2nd time you meets them.
    You definitely don’t want to fist pound a client thinking he is a buddy when all he expected was a firm handshake. AWKWARD

  • Anna

    Dude… this is a subject I can get excited about! I HATE and I mean HATE limp, wet noodle handshakes! I’ve always been taught that a leader will have the characteristics you provided…

    You know what’s even worse? It’s when a man thinks a woman can’t handle a good handshake and so takes her figers instead and squeezes gentle… that agrivates me to no end! Grip my hand, show me you have some character, personality, show me you respect me enough to know I can handle that…

    It’s true that you can tell a lot from a person from their handshake… I’m sure there’s been a study on it somewhere…

    Great post!!

  • http://jimmyparavane.wordpress.com/ jimmy paravane

    Scott – interesting comment on prison life and thanks for the definition of the dap! I was clueless as to what that was called, much less the origin. I’m looking for blogs by Christian inmates. Know of any?

  • Scott Williams

    Roger- AWKWARD, Yes
    Anna- You definitely lean toward the firm side of the handshake!
    Jimmy- Like current inmates or former inmates. It’s kinda difficult to blog behind the walls! :-)

  • http://jimmyparavane.wordpress.com/ jimmy paravane

    Scott – either,or. What I’m looking for actually is first hand experience with the growth of the church within America’s prison system. I can imagine that access to the Internet for the purpose of blogging would be difficult. But I hope not impossible. One of the things I’m fascinated by these days is what God is doing among the disenfranchised. I’ve seen a few things on TV that indicate that “stuff” is really beginning to happen inside those walls in a big way and recently. The last church my family attended was a small one, but very active in prison ministry. Former inmates make fascinating aliens. In case you don’t know what I mean by aliens, yer one. Because you all are just visiting this world. (grin)

  • Scott Williams

    Jimmy- Thanks for the insight, I will do some checking! :-)

  • http://bobray.info/boblog/ Bo

    For the record – there is no such thing as a fist pound. It is called the fist bump :)

  • Scott Williams

    Bo- For the record there is definitely a such thing as a fist pound. It’s actually called “dap” I just want to make sure everyone cal follow along. Thanks for the comment! :-)

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