The Gift of "No"

Posted by Scott Williams
13 Comments
January 24, 2008
Hmmmmm | Life Application | Why

no.jpgDo you have the gift of no?  I am not talking about the ability to say “No” when it’s absolutely necessary; I’m talking about the gift that has you saying “No” simply for your own convenience.  You know what I’m talking about, when your kids ask you if they can do something and you just say No!  Most of the time there is not a rational reason for you saying No, except for the fact that it is convenient and easy.   

It sounds like this in my world with my 8 and 4 year old sons: “Dad can I get a Popsicle?” “No”  “Dad can I stay the night with Johnny?” “No”  “Dad can I help with that?” “No, your not big enough” Dad will you come see this “No, in a minute”………… and the list goes on and on.     

Research shows that 77% of everything we think is negative and counterproductive.  Children that grow up in an “average household” hear “No” and are told what they can’t do more than 148,000 times by the time they are 18; and the result is unintentional negative programming. (Ouch)  It sounds like we need some Joel Osteen in our lives.  

I recently talked with a buddy of mine about this subject and he acknowledged that his wife has similar struggles with saying no to their two daughters.  Hmmmm….. Maybe it’s some sort of “Just Deal With It” mentality for our children that are the same sex.  I have personally been convicted and I am learning to give away, The Gift of No!  I am turning into a Yes Man, and my kids and wife love it.   

Do you have the gift of “No?” Share your thoughts, stories, discuss!

  • http://www.blog.aaronhavens.com aaron

    “No” usually means i’m a grumpy, tired, impatient, out of focus, non loving prick at the moment.

    When I really focus on saying “yes” in life and slowing down enough to care, life becomes.

  • http://www.thechrisrogers.com Chris Rogers

    Yes sadly, I do have the gift of “No”. And it is usually because it is not convenient for me. I actually realized this a few weeks ago and have been working really hard to battle it. I have been doing a lot better or at least I think so, I guess you could ask my wife. :)

  • http://www.byersfamily.wordpress.com Dana Byers

    Heck yes I have the gift of no! My 2 year old and 4 year old hear that word all too often. Thanks for the challenge.

  • http://cindybeall.wordpress.com Cindy Beall

    I’m right there with Aaron and Chris. The reason I say “no” most of the time is due to inconvenience on my part and how it will disturb my precious little schedule.

    Thank you for posting this! I have a new challenge in my life…for this week, anyway.

  • http://www.unveilinghope.com Hope

    I started learning “no” by practising on people outside my home. It’s made doing in the home much easier. The phrase, “you’re so mean” really translates to “I hate it when I don’t get my way” in teenager speak. I don’t understand why it’s such an issue for me, I certainly heard it enough times growing up.

  • http://www.floatingaxhead.com michael

    did you just say we need some joel osteen…that’s a debit against the dude card…why don’t we just hang out and do a beth moore study too…jk

    i think the issue with “no” is it stifles creativity and my girls’ imaginations. they tend to wait for direction as opposed to exploring and discovering truths.

  • http://www.readscott.com Read Scott

    I do NOT have the gift of no. I’m a worship leader and the toughest part of my job is telling people that they’re talent is not up to par with the level of musicianship that is standard in our team. It’s really tough. I feel like such a douche.

  • http://www.ichilly.typepad.com Chilly

    I have the gift of: “No, thank you”

    “Everything is permissible for me — but not everything is beneficial.” 1Corinthians 6:12

    - The apostle Paul instructed the people that not everything they chose was beneficial for them. We know living a sinful lifestyle is not going to benefit us in a positive way. But I believe choosing the best over what is good also has beneficial results.

    - Learning when and how to cultivate saying “no” to what’s good, and “yes” to what’s best will keep us from losing out on God’s best for us.

    - When striving to make the best choices, I like to keep in mind some wise advice I heard someone give. What is good may be the enemy of what is best…

  • http://geppapa.blogspot.com chris g

    no, i dont have the gift to say no.

    hey, i just did it! i said no!

  • Scott Williams

    aaron- with the deep thoughts..
    Chris- What do you think your wife will say… I hope your date night was cool
    Dana- My 4 and 8 year old hear it to often; A wise man told me that if you keep saying no; when they get older they wont even ask anymore. :-(
    Cindy- I’m w/ ya on the precious schedule!
    Hope- I understand exactly what you are saying.
    Micahel- :-)
    Scott- LOL, I will write a gift of yes post for your tomm. ;-)
    Chris- You actually didn’t say “no” you kinda said it!

  • http://www.nataliewitcher.blogspot.com Natalie Witcher

    Heeeyyyy, careful doggin’ by Beth Moore! :) It did make me giggle! OK, yes, I’m with Aaron, Chris and Cindy. I’m home all day with my kids and it’s easier to just play the no card for convenience. BUT, it’s something I do pay attention to daily. Thanks scott.

    (I laughed out loud at ReadScott’s final sentence.) Don’t hear that too often!

  • http://www.thechrisrogers.com Chris Rogers

    i’m sure she will say that i have done much better but there is always room for improvement. date night was great, dinner and some bowling…thanks for asking.

  • http://sheriyates.blogspot.com sheri

    awesome thoughts for Mom! thanks!

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