Things You Should Not Do! 3 (of 4)

You Should Not Be Alone With Someone of The Opposite Sex 

One of the things that has become common in some churches is; if you are married, you should not be alone with anyone else of the opposite sex.  In other words:

  • If you and a co-worker of the opposite sex have a meeting across town; you cannot ride alone together.
  • You can’t travel anywhere, by any means with someone of the opposite sex.
  • If you and a co-worker of the opposite sex are the last two people at the office… one of you has to leave.
  • The bottom line is that you are not allowed to be alone with someone of the opposite sex! (Period)

My girl Anne Jackson blogged about this same subject about a month ago and let me tell you there are varying opinions.  Is this a matter of personal responsibility and over the top; or is this necessary not only for church staff, but married people in general?


  • Wayne

    Man you hit a button there! With all the things going on behind closed doors in the offices and closets, you can’t set yourself up for failure. As a husband I don’t even want the speculation or the gossip to even get started.

  • Amen!

    I worked as a Marketplace Chaplain in Atlanta. Our company had male and female chaplains. I respected the fact that they would not let us ride together if there were just 2 of us. Yes, it is more gas, but our integrity cost too much to lose.

  • DON’T GET CAUGHT UP! It’s NOT worth it.

  • for me, out of respect for my beautiful wife of 25 years it is the right thing to do…there are no questions, no rumors, and no temptations…

  • I have 23 women that work for me and it would be nearly impossible for me to NOT be alone with one of them at some point nearly every day. Both of my sales staff are women and I do ride alongs all the time.

    If you ask me anyone who would think anything bad has already passed judgment and should check themselves. My wife trusts me and I trust myself. Maybe if I was alone with the same women over and over again I coudl see where it might be an issue.

    Would the same thing apply with my male employee who is gay? Can I not be alone with him for fear of rumors or infidelity.

    I think the human race has lost the ability to trust

  • It’s a wise decision to follow this guideline. The problem here with this whole issue is that you’ll hear people say it’s a lack of trust or that you are just expecting people to fail. I disagree. It’s a safeguard that is meant to protect. Just like childhood immunizations are meant to protect. Just like insurance is meant to protect. When most people declare their marriage vows they never INTEND to commit adultery. It simpy happens. It happens because we don’t put up our guards and we make unwise choices.

    It will be hard for some, like Roger, who are surrounded by the opposite sex, so they’ll just have to keep their guard up by being mindful of how much emotional interaction is going on.

  • Cindy nice take on it and I didn’t see it that way. I am always very guarded on how friendly I get with my employees. I always keep up the work wall.

    Scott you need to read axehead today. He quotes a verse where Jesus himself was alone with a women. HUM????????

  • I think the church should constantly remind staff of the obvious dangers and then the staff has a personal responsibility to guard their hearts. Teaching them to guard their hearts will go a lot further than saying don’t ride in a car together!

  • Might I add, the same should go for single people. Danger is danger …. seriously. SOMETIMES, I get uncomfortable when a man writes emails to me, especially when they happen to mention that they’re single (uh, why are you telling me this?).

  • Anne made some valid points in her post….although I do agree wholeheartedly with you Scott. I think we should strive to avoid all appearances. I have seen the danger of this exact thing happen.

  • I work for LC so I observe this rule. I knew about it before my employment there but never really thought about it until I started working there.

    Do I think it’s something you HAVE to do … no?

    Do I think it’s something you SHOULD do … yes!

    As Christians I think we’re called to do more than what he HAVE to do.

    Beyond Christianity I think a commitment to excellence, beyond what is expected of a “normal” person, is a great way to look at work and life.

  • i think cindy and roger nailed it…trust…the issue is we trust ourselves way too much. these guidelines represent physical barriers so that emotional barriers follow…this is a must for men as we are visual, physical people.

    women are emotional and feel they don’t need the physical barriers because they have emotional ones…the problem is men do not see those emotional barriers and pursue women when they see openings (availability)…

    then the emotional barriers are broken down through laughter and conversation…availability…now there is very little refuge.

    as for jesus, he NEVER acted independent of the father…so we have to be the judge when our availability or pursuit is independent of the father.

  • I remember back a few years when my boss moved the new young female employee into my office. I remember thinking that if I didn’t tell my wife and she found out, that she’d be mad at me. So I told her up front and guess what? She got mad at me. Long story short; I think God honored my honesty because shortly thereafter I got a new job in a great location.

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