She Thinks My Pastor's Sexy

I recently had a conversation with a pastor friend of mine who happens to be a female.  She was sharing the various unique things that women have confided in her about; one that she shared made me have one of those hmmmm moments.  She stated that several women over the years and one recently have shared that They Think Their Pastor’s Sexy!  Not to be confused with the popular country music song “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy.”   Not only do they think their Pastor’s Sexy, but they struggle with their mind wandering as they are watching and listening to their pastor speak.

Pastor Craig Groeschel teaches the art of  “Bouncing Your Eyes” in other words don’t keep your eyes focused on someone for too long… keeping your eyes moving can keep you out of trouble.  This is something that is stereotypically geared towards guys… but what about the ladies?

After my conversation with my friend; I might make the assumption that there are women sitting in pews and seats of churches all around the country that may be struggling with the inability to “Bounce Their Eyes.”  As their eyes are having to fixated on their “Sexy Pastor,” who happens to be in front of them for lengthy periods of time each and every week.

The thoughts running through their head might be something like this: He’s Hot; I like that suit; Are those True Religion Jeans; He’s so Handsome, Nice Hair, He dresses so fly, I can tell he’s been working out, I wonder if… and then their mind wanders for a moment or two or three or four.  Unfortunately, this cycle can repeat itself on a weekly basis; but what is a lady to do so when She Thinks Her Pastor’s Sexy!

  • Do you think this a common/legitimate problem or simply isolated cases?  Thoughts in general!
  • Does this struggle for women contribute to the vulnerability and moral failures of pastors?
  • Any suggestions for the ladies, Do the ladies just get a pass?
  • I used to be in this very category. Not that I used those words, I wouldn’t have even thought those words. But I worshipped my pastor, and idolized him. I craved his attention and his teaching (which was just so wonderful!). I often sought counseling just so I could talk with him with relative privacy. I think unconsciously if he had ever made a move, I would have justified my response to him. I just wasn’t thinking those things then. Looking back, I was single, and he was a godly man; I would have rationalized anything.
    Women should not get the pass. I’m just really glad that I have the right perspective about worship and it is not to worship my pastor.

  • My father was my pastor for 30 years. I’ve NEVER had those thoughts. Eww. Gross.

    Now, if I can be honest. I can tell what brand jeans someone is wearing. Pastor or no pastor. It’s not that I am having unhealthy thoughts. I’m just a fan of a great pair of jeans. Is that so wrong?

    No. Women do not get a free pass. And, yes this can contribute the moral failure of pastors. Some good advice for male pastors. Listen to your wives. Women know women. And, your wife tells you to watch out for a woman. Man, you better run.

  • Great post! And as a former member of ministry and a Pastoral staff, I must say that you’re on point with this one. I know you’re a married man – but in your congregation, I’m sure there are women who have decided to allow you to pastor them all for the wrong reasons. I was heavily involved in youth ministry and there are tons of mothers, even those who were married, who would make passes at me all the time. One mother even admitted it to me.

    Besides, look at churches who have attractive male pastors. I won’t mention the name – but it’s in Baltimore, MD. I saw the stats and wasn’t shocked that 82% of the church is female.

    You should touch on another interesting subject too. Women who are attracted to the anointing in you versus the real you.

  • Scott Williams

    PamperedVic- Thanks for sharing your heart and insight!
    Dusty- Great advice for the ladies… I listen to my wife whether I want to or not. LOL (Don’t tell anyone, but I’m w/ ya’ on the jeans… shhh don’t tell anyone they might think I’m a metrosexual; oh wait, I am) 🙂
    Darius- Well said, thanks for sharing your experiences and keeping it real! I might tackle that subject in a bit!

  • jimmy paravane

    Sorry but I can’t resist the temptation to cherry pick this one. It’s just too easy. (grin)
    “Bounce Their Eyes.” I love this! Hey, have you taken a poll recently to see how this one is working for the boys? When and how often they have to bounce em, where they land, etc. (grin)
    “Are those True Religion Jeans” You gotta love how far christiancultureclub has advanced. (grin)
    Congrats Scott. You’ve created a new category of “sexy”. Pastors I’d Like to Follow. PILF’s. (grin)

  • Wow, Jimmy, thanks for bringing it right home with the big fat F-bomb.
    If I may, “Well Actually” this technique is right out of the book “Every Man’s Battle” and probably all of the other “Battle” books. But after reading Job again (Thought to be the oldest book of the bible). He ‘bounced’ too. He made a “Covenant with his eyes”. So if he had trouble way back there, then I know it has to be a struggle today. Male or Female, Gentile or Jew, Freeman or (if you look to long you’ll be a) slave.

  • Yep, it’s a problem.

    I certainly hope that Pastors are aware of it and make wise choices concerning women whether or not you trust them.

    A pastor can elevate to the “dreamy” level in a woman’s mind…quickly. And why not! He’s up there preaching about Jesus and tell all of us what it means to be a man of God. He becomes every woman’s dream man.

    But, women forget that this guy also farts, has an ego, has morning breath, probably isn’t perfect in marriage, might miss his quiet time, etc….

    It’s the age old fascination with fantasy. The “what if” factor, or “if only” drama that women can fall in to. Not to mention if a woman is married, she can start comparing this “perfect, sexy pastor” on stage with her beer bellied husband sitting next to her.

    Oh Scott, this is so true.

    Bounce away, ladies. Bounce away. But, bounce to Christ!!
    (okay, I’m done)

  • Scott – you’ve hit a JUICY ONE HERE. I encourage the ladies out there to be very careful. If your pastor doesn’t wear pleated slacks, tucked in button up shirt, and have a comb over; you may be vulnerable. HERE’S WHY…

    Pastors tell great stories about themselves. They illustrate their talks with personal examples. Those personal examples may be of how they failed or how God worked through them. Either way, it’s kind of romantic. Most husbands don’t open up emotionally and as often as your pastor does. It is easy to lust after that and do two things: 1. Fantasize about having that type of man. 2. Become critical of your husband because he isn’t like that.

    Something else that is common as that when you see your pastor, he is typically at his best. We are all at our best when we host others we care about. Keeping these things in mind can help keep a healthy perspective.

  • Darius, good thoughts on the attraction to the anointing. It happens all the time.

    Jimmy, I’m still laughing.

    Scott, ain’t no shame in being metrosexual.

  • jimmy paravane

    Dusty, I read yer post for today. You know I try for that balance of gentle wit, and I’ll never get that close. I’m not worthy. (grin)

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  • jimmy paravane

    bert, I gave this some thought before answering, and it still might not matter. (grin)
    I’m always amused when you aliens act like you know what slavery is.

  • Scott, I think this is so true. I know that when I was in school I always thought my teachers were cute and I think its because they seemed to have it all together (great wife, great kids). I really dont think it has anything with the way they look, I think girls just want someone to care!

  • Great post, Scott. I must confess I’ve had a man-crush on Craig for some time. LOL! Just kidding!

    Seriously though, I would think most women aren’t attracted to their respective Pastor based upon his physique or stylish clothing, but merely due to the fact that he is leading them spiritually in a manner their husbands are not. I would encourage all my brothers out there to be the best Pastor their spouse has ever known!

    P.S. I’ve blogged about this very point recently. Check it out.

    Get in the arena!

  • I know these two things for sure:

    1) When Craig introduced Steven Furtick two weeks ago, my 17 year old stepdaughter’s chin hit the floor…and

    2) She hung on his every word.

    It’s interesting and I wonder:

    What’s the difference between a woman’s lust for a man because of his perceived character and a man’s lust for a woman because of her physical attributes. Is lust lust or does it have degrees and for that matter, degrees of harm? Or for that matter, is a gal thinking her pastor is sexy a lust issue at all?

    Doesn’t guy lust (physical) seem more sleazy that girl lust (character)? Are both sexual?

    You’re right, Scott. Hmmmmmm?

  • When Chris Beall preaches, I DO NOT bounce my eyes.

    I’m just sayin’.

    No free pass for the ladies, btw.

  • This is very interesting and actually something I’ve struggled with before… Back when I was a student, one of my youth pastors took an interest in me (he’s the reason I’m in youth ministry now) His care and concern were what a high school girl wanted… I struggled with thinking about it (I mean, he was married, and my youth pastor!!) But God is faithful and as I cautioned myself GOD removed the problem…

    I’ve never really thought about this before now though… interesting…

  • I’m going to think about his one Scott…good post…I will get back to you.

  • I think my pastor is sexy, of course it helps that he is my husband (lol).

    On a more serious note, you can’t just blame the women. As a man of God he can say no. Some people put themselves in situations that they have no business in the first place.

    Of course I have seen women nearly knock a pastors wife down in a hurry to get to the pastor. So no pass for them either.

  • Have to agree with Dusty. I have noticed things (especially with other women )that went over my husbands head and then later he would say…..honey you were right about that one!

  • Scott Williams

    Great Dialogue… Thanks for sharing; keep them coming!

  • whatever Nicole you married your pastor!!

  • I know I did marry my pastor maybe I should blog on that=)

  • I think there are so many women out there who crave a relationship with a strong man who has values and isn’t afraid to share them. They see this man on the platform week after week and see someone they think would complete their life.

    Now, there are some handsome men out there pastoring churches, and serving as deacons and elders. They work in coffee shops and grocery stores, they come and fix our plumbing and our TVs, but GIRLS! We do NOT get a pass. Think about how you feel when your guy’s gaze rests on another woman for half a second! We get all insecure and jealous. Why do you want to do that to someone else?

    I’ll stop preaching now.
    Great post!

  • Lillie

    Are there any women that had to over come this Fascination with a man of god.

    I would like to speak with you, please email me with you experiences.


  • ncguy

    it’s an issue for guys who struggle with same-sex temptation as well. more than one attractive young pastor has caught my eye. working on dealing with it.

  • agnew726

    I am glad someone was honest about this. I have not been back to the visiting church where I had those thoughts.

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