Should Men Open The Car Door For Women?

Posted by Scott Williams
36 Comments
April 7, 2009
Etiquette | For Men Only | Women

man-opening-doorOne of the many cool thing about working with my team is the spirited debates that we have on a regular basis.  The subject matter of these debates covers a wide range of topics including: theology, politics, leadership, ministry philosophy, parenting… to things like: “Should Men Open Car Doors For Women?”  Today’s debate was dealing with exactly that question: “Should Men Open Car Doors For Women?”

Today’s discussion had input not only from our campus team, but the other teams who share a building with us joined in on the fun.  There were some common themes in the responses from the guys, when asked the following question: “Do You Open The Door For Your Wife/Girlfriend?”  The responses included:

  • Sometimes or It depends
  • I used to when we were dating but not since we’ve been married
  • I have a key-less entry and my wife prefers me to just open the door
  • It’s not practical to open the door
  • That’s Old Fashioned

When asking the question: “Should Men Open The Car Door For Women?” The responses included:

  • Absolutely… that’s what a gentlemen does 
  • Yes they should, especially if they are dating
  • Of course, that’s how you teach your son’s how they should behave
  • It depends on if the woman would like for him to or not
  • Women need to be trained to wait on the man to open the door
  • Why does the man have to be the one to open the door

What are your thoughts to either one of the above questions: Do you open the car door for your wife/girlfriend?  Does your husband/boyfriend open the car door for you?  Should Men Open The Car Door For Women?

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  • http://www.marriagetweets.com Marc

    I open the car door for my wife about half of the time more or less. One thing, I can tell you is that she gets a little gitty every time I do. :) Although, I’m pretty sure that I opened the car door for her just about all the time when we were dating.

    hmm…maybe I should do it more.

  • Tony

    I can’t believe I missed this one.

  • http://iChilly.com iChilly

    I think it’s optional for men.

    But, not optional for gentlemen.

    My wife is married to the latter… how about yours?

    • Natalie

      “I think it’s optional for men.

      But, not optional for gentlemen.”

      I absolutely agree. I am willing to cite you in my school paper!

  • http://www.manymeadows.com Robin Meadows

    Absolutely!! It’s one of the dearest things Dirk Meadows does for me to this day. It shows me how much he cares, every time he does it. Chivalry IS NOT DEAD!

  • http://nicoleknox.blogspot.com Nicole Knox

    Yes, Yes, Yes.

    Tim opened my door on our first date and I went home and told my mom that is the man I am going to marry. We married a year later!

    My sweet man still opens my door and we have a 2 and 4 year old to get in the car. I love that my boys see the type of man their dad is.

  • http://www.vortexministry.com bill wolfe

    All I know is that my wife likes it when I open her door, so I’ll keep doing it. I guess it depends on your wife. If you haven’t done it in a while, give it a shot.

  • Bwilkins

    Yes! Absolutely a guy should open the door for girl. Very few “new” men know what it means to be a man in today’s world. If a guy cant serve a girl by simply opening a door, how can a girl expect a guy to lay down his life for her… aka …ephesians 5:25. A small act can say a lot.

  • http://www.mytobin.com Rachel

    Tony always opens the door for me when it’s just the two of us, and we don’t each have a kid to put in the car. Sometimes even with two kids he still opens the door for me. Since he missed this convo- I see his comment above- you’ll have to ask him tomorrow and see what he says. I LOVE it when he opens the door for me. It makes me feel wanted.

  • Matt Grassmyer

    Absolutely but not to just impress her on a date. You should open the door for her because you would do anything for her including something as little as opening her car door. It also shows that you are willing take the time to make her feel like the most important person on the planet!

  • http://thisismemandy.blogspot.com mandy

    Where was I during this discussion? I was with you guys almost all day long!! :)

    I think I would have to say yes!! Of course. Along with what everyone else has said, it’s also an act of service. And who doesn’t love a guy with a heart to serve. My dad still opens the car door for my mom and I would hope for nothing less.

    So bummed I missed it. Next time, come find me!

  • http://www.twitter.com/votemikejones Mike Jones

    I don’t like telling other people how to live their lives, so each their own, but I do it for @alishareynolds most the time & I would expect my future children (men that is) to do the same unless their girlfriends unless they asked them not to.

    One side note though (to women): if a guy opens the door for you and you don’t want him to, don’t bite his head off for it! That is straight up rude & uncalled for!

  • @joshwre

    I was standing right next to you as we were having this conversation and I never made a peep for some reason. Now that I’ve had a few hours to think about it I would say the first few dates you should open the door no matter what but after that it becomes her preference. Kim either doesn’t prefer it or I’ve gotten really lazy the last 7 years or so… I’ll ask her before I leave in the morning.

  • @livinjcstyle

    absolutely! I attempt to open the door for my wife every single time we get in the vehicle together. Even if she’s driving, I open the door. It is a matter of respect. It is also a matter of protection. The thought behind the action is that the husband, the protector, is making sure that she is tucked in the vehicle safely before he gets in. Depending on where you are, there could be any number of dangers awaiting her on the other side of the car. Her safety should be of utmost importance. Furthermore, it communicates love through action to her. When it’s cold or raining, the man should be there standing in it (holding an umbrella when necessary) holding the door open, so that her time in the weather is as minimal as possible. This is my opinion on the matter.

  • pharris

    I love it when a man opens the door for me! It makes me feel honored! I had a date once with a guy that told me he would only open the door for me if I had high heels on. If I had tennis shoes on, I was on my own!!! Seriously…what was that about! LOL So, needless to say, I never went out with him again!! :)

  • Rebecca Good

    Awe. I am so happy to see that chivalry is not dead! A little act goes a long way!!

  • http://twitter.com/steveharrison steveharrison

    absolutely! I love opening the door for my beautiful wife of almost 27 years..it is a privilege for me to honor her…

    love what my man iChilly said..great word!

  • http://abbiz.blogspot.com Abbi

    YES. For all the reasons stated by others: service, chivalry, protection, etc. At least when the woman is getting INTO the car. And I don’t think this rule applies only to wives/girlfriends/dates, either. I think it’s an appropriate and kind gesture for men to open car doors for their mothers and grandmothers as well.

  • Tiffany

    Hmmm…sounds like I am in the minority here…
    I don’t find it to be that big of a deal….unless I have my hands full or something like that. It is a sweet gesture when my husband does, but if he opened the door for me all the time, I think I would find myself a bit annoyed.
    In general, I don’t believe that a man opening a door means anything about his true character.

  • Tiffany

    PS- that is an old picture of me and I can’t figure out how to get rid of it! :(

  • http://jameyjohnson.org Jamey Johnson

    Leopold says, “Are you suggesting that there exists a law compelling gentlemen to lay hold of canine bowel movents?” Kate says, “I suggest you pick the poop up now!”

    I love the movie “Kate and Leopold.” I love the gentelman quality that Hugh Jackman portrays. So, I LOVE OPENING THE DOOR FOR MY WIFE (I’m her knight in shining armor baby!)

  • http://abeautifulimageblog.com ~abi~

    yes, yes, yes!

  • http://brookjames.com Brook James

    Ah, I love the controversy! Let it rain down! I think that the answers to this question will always vary from person to person and relationship to relationship. For my wife and I, we would answer it different than my sister and her husband. To my wife, it is just a constant reminder that I still love her and want to take care of her. She likes that. I like it when she likes stuff I do. My sister is the opposite. It doesn’t mean the same thing to her. I’m not going to speak for her, but she could think it was a little degrading because maybe it comes across to her that he thinks she can’t do it herself. Or maybe she just doesn’t care about it one way or the other. But I don’t know that we can come up with a perfect answer to this because everyone’s love languages are different (yeah I read part of that book).

  • http://www.queenofrelationships.com Lindsay

    I love it when a guy opens the door for me, it just feels good. My bf and I have beend dating for seven months and he still opens the car door. My Dad and his wife have been married for six years and he still does it.

  • Scott Williams

    Thanks for all of the comments, we could have written a book on door opening etiquette with these comments!

  • pastorave

    I love it when a man opens the door for me. It says volumes tome. I’m here for you! I’ve got you! You belong to me!Real men do awesome things for the women they love.

  • http://reelartsy.blogspot.com Karen

    Yes! It’s nice when men open the doors for us.

  • ss

    My boyfriend rarely opens the car door for me. I like him. But when I introduced my friend to him, he opened car door for her. I met him one month back so not sure about this behavior. Can you comment on it?

  • Kinipela

    Thanks for writing this. I don’t know how I managed to miss my Emily Post growing up in this regard, but I did. I can set a table with any number of additional pieces of silverware and settings, but I could not figure out what to do when my boyfriend opened the car door for me and INSISTS on continuing to do so. He’s gradually compromised at letting me close the door.

    Now I know to smile, thank him, kiss him and let him brush it off with “The neighbours are watching.” It’s almost become a ritual for us. It’s one that I enjoy quite a lot, in spite of being a very modern and liberated woman.

  • Andromeda18_

    I don’t understand why men should open any doors for women and I’m quite certain I never will. Many speak about men behaving like men and women behaving like women, but that’s nothing more than a social construction. There’s no such thing as the typical female/male behavior.
    I don’t need anyone to open doors for me, nor do I need anyone to pay for the things I buy. I really don’t understand why so many women expect men to do these things. What I want out of a man is love, tenderness, companionship, that sort of thing, everything else I can do for myself. It doesn’t make men any less important, on the contrary. If I’m with a man it’s because of who he is and how much he means to me, not because he takes me out to dinner or holds the door for me.

    • Someoney

      I absolutely agree with you! If you expect a man to open your doors for you, hire a doorman. If you expect a man to make you laugh, hire a comedian. If you expect a man to protect you, hire a bodyguard. If you expect a man to be a doorman, a comedian and a bodyguard merely because of your gender, what entitles you to all those things? I think that men and women should be kind, polite and have good manners. If a man reaches the door first, he should open it for her. If she reaches the door first, she should open it for him. If he feels belittled that she opened the door for him, he is insecure. If you like those men, all power to you in dealing with his remaining insecurities. I need someone to love me and cherish me for who I am, not someone to be on duty to open doors, to make me laugh, and to guard me. I can do most of that myself and we can both do those things for each other. I do not expect anything solely due to my gender.

  • http://www.anjuthomas.com Anju Thomas

    Heyyy..when i read this post i just recalled a quote that goes something like this:

    “If a man opens the door of a car for a woman, either the car is new or the woman is still new in his life”.

    Well, just wanted to let u knw that ur write ups are short and sensible…gud work..keep going!!!

    C yaa

  • Alilali

    My last boyfriend never opened the door for me. I’ve seen men that walk into places and they walk ahead of the females they are with. I see it wrong. and I recently went on a date with a this guy and he opened the door. I was so surprised!!!! I couldnt believe guys these days did that!!! :)

  • Peter

    The only thing I open for my woman is my fly.

    • CATHERINE

      TO ME THAT MAKES YOU A JERK. APPARENTLY YOU DON’T HAVE RESPECT FOR YOURSELF OR YOUR WOMEN OR YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE MADE SUCH A STUPID COMMENT.

  • Squinty Eyed Chink

    Hell no I will not do that for a girl. She’s got 2 fucking arms and I am not her fucking servant.

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