7 Methods To Talk To My Son About Sex…

sex-blocksLast year I had written a blog post in which I talked about it not being time to talk to my then 8 year old son about sex, in a post titled Let’s Talk About Sex.  Well it’s been over a year and my son will turn 10 years old on May 12th and between now and then I will officially sit down and talk to my son about the birds and the bees.

It’s becoming more evident that it’s time to have “The Talk” as he’s beginning to share conversations that his friends are having, in addition to asking questions like: “What does  it mean to have a girlfriend?”  I plan on our conversation to happen during a fellas night out with just he and I; maybe even over an ice cream sundae or some Starbucks.  Here are the 7 Methods To Talk To My Son About Sex…:

  1. Ask him questions about his knowledge and understanding of what sex is.
  2. Set clear boundaries of what the Bible says about sex and the fact that it’s saved for married couples. (Teach Abstinence)
  3. Outline a vague anatomy of sex discussion.
  4. Talk about the myths he will hear and face on television, through music, in sports at school…
  5. Talk about age/continuum expectations relative to friendships, dating, relationships and girlfriends.
  6. Talk about his responsibility as a young Christian leader as it relates to relationships and sex.
  7. Set clear expectations for him to be able to talk to me about, or ask me questions about anything and everything under the sun.  Reminding him that I will always tell him exactly what he needs to know.  (No stupid questions, all questions are encouraged)

These are my thoughts for now and I’m looking forward and not looking forward to having this conversation at the same time.  My first born is about to be 10 years old and will be in the 5th grade next year.  This will be a big moment for my son and I have the opportunity/responsibility to make it be a moment that he will never forget.

What age did/will you talk about Sex with your children?  Did your parents sit you down and talk about sex or did you learn about the “Birds and the Bees” during recess?  Thoughts, discuss!

  • Ron

    I posted on this the other day. I am still a number of years from having to deal with this. Having said that my three year old is so far aware of the external differences between guys and girls and that Daddy ‘put’ her baby sister into mommies tummy.

  • This is a BIG one that my wife and I struggled with for a long time. We have come to the conclusion that we need to start early – 3-4 gender differences, 5-6 yrs relationships with other people and building up to more indepth discussions of sex, choices, etc.

    The goal being to start a conversation very young that continues so our kids will be comfortable (or more comfortable) talking with us as they mature.

    Me – my parents gave my brother a book, “everything you ever wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask” that I found under his bed in Jr High. I learned some stuff from that book, but I really learned it was not to be discussed.

  • Rebecca Good

    Good for you! My experience with my daughter has been a very open one. We talk a lot about the changes her body is going through and about sex, boys, & her relationships at school. I have found that the more honest and open I am with her, the more she comes to me to get the answers.

    Just a side note… the 1st real conversation we had about sex was at Starbucks over coffee (for me) and hot chocolate (for her).

  • Such an important topic Scott! I recently had “the talk” so to speak with my son and had planned it for quite some time. It was rolled it into a general talk about personal vision and values during a 16 mile overnight backpacking trip for just the two of us. I think the quietness of nature and fun of doing something new together just helped to make it better. I know the trip is an experience we both will remember for a lifetime.I know this is also an ongoing process that will evolve as we continue to communicate with each other and hopefully do not treat the topic as a one time event. Your list is great and I wish I would have had it along.

  • This is a great post. I think more people should put this much thought it to talking about this with their children. My daughter recently told me that many of her friends have never had “the talk” with their parents. Consequentially, these are the same children who are in sexually active and in the 9th grade.

    I try to be very candid with my daughters. I begin having “the talk” with them as soon as they started coming home asking questions about what kids told them at school. For both it has been first grade.

    I think it is important that it is more than just a one time discussion. It should be an ongoing talk. How you discuss sex with a 10 year old should be different than how you discuss it when they are 15.

  • Scott Williams

    @Ron- Thanks, I will check out your post.
    @noel- Learning that it’s not supposed to be discussed is too common.
    @Rebecca- What’s the deal with Starbucks??? Maybe its the relaxing environment. Maybe our kids will be saying something like my mom/dad had the talk with me at the place called Starbucks, they used to have coffee shops all over but not anymore.
    @Davidtcopeland- I checked out your blog… Camping sounds great, but I don’t like the outdoors. LOL 🙂 Evolving communication is key!
    @Jtexada– Well said!

  • Tam

    heh, my parents never did have the talk with any of us so far as I know… I learned about body parts through my brother’s experiments and about sex through ‘sex ed’ in 9th grade.

    Of course, my mom never even taught me about my period or anything, thankfully it was late and I had an older sister to learn from enough not to be freaked out about it.

  • Zane

    I read and reread the 7 points to see if you missed anything… I think you nailed it man, cuz I got nothin’ else. The only thing that I would suggest to anyone reading and is a fairly new parent,every question and issue as they’re growing up is a big deal and your attitude toward them shapes the outcome of how this, “the talk”,long before it acutally happens, in my opinion. In other words, don’t think you can suddenly follow these points and they be understood if your child doesn’t know without a doubt that you are on their side and that you love them more than anything in the world… I believe it is definately important to have the talk but just don’t miss the bigger point.

    My parents never had the talk with me – it’s hard for me to believe that they didn’t because they’re such amazing people and have nothing but respect and love for them as parents. I do wish that I had felt more comfortable talking with them though because I am convinced it led to many bad decisions.

  • jphogan

    Thanks for posting this. My oldest is 9 now and will be 10 later this year. I knew I was going to have to…I mean get to have this talk with him in the next couple of months. I appreciate you outlining good points to cover.

  • gligon

    My son Tanner is 10 years old and we have had a series of conversations that serve as covering the context of “The Talk”.

    Best thing I did was talk about much of it in the car while driving or in a parking lot…made it less uncomfortable not staring each other in the eye deal.

    Best Resource i used was Stan & Brenna Jones’ book, “What’s the Big Deal?” http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Big-Deal-Cares-Design/dp/1600060161/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1244083590&sr=1-1 good format with kids and parent reading and discussion questions.

    Other than that our goal is to tell him everything accurate about sex before he hears from others so he knows we are the trusted source for information on this uncomfortable subject. Thanks for the post…very helpful

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