People Pleasers Need To Get A Life!

Posted by Scott Williams
13 Comments
August 6, 2009
Hmm | Life Application

people pleasersI’ve always been amazed by the number of people that I know, meet, work with and hear about, that are “People Pleasers.”  You know the person that tries to camouflage their desire to please everyone through chronic niceness, super-holiness, overly-concerned nature and simply wanting to make everyone happy. 

At the end of the day “People Pleasers” spend so much time trying to please others that they begin to loose sight of what is best for themselves.  At work: they work longer hours, don’t speak up and put all of their efforts towards harmony, rather than what is right or best.  During the Holiday Seasons, “People Pleasers” will spend extra money buying a lot of unnecessary or expensive gifts; when the reality is that the people receiving the gifts could care less. Remember the principle that you learned as a child: “It’s the thought that counts!”   

I take the opposite approach of being a people pleaser and pretty much live by the mantra of “I don’t really care what people think!” I’m not saying that to be rude, cool, disrespectful, crude, cocky… that’s simply who I am.  This does’nt mean that I am not compassionate, loving, caring, considerate, thoughtful, appreciative and don’t like harmony; as a matter of fact it’s quite the contrary.  I try to ensure that my discernment and decision making comes from a Christ centered confidence and not from the approval of people.  The reality is that people are really not worried about me or you, because they’re too worried about themselves. 

The bottom line is that People Pleasers Need To Get A Life; a life that exhibits a boldness that only comes through Christ.  We must examine our thoughts, feelings, motives and behaviors; and place God’s desires for our lives before others’ approval.  I’m not sure that people pleasers are pleasing God… just people. 

Are you, or do you know a “People Pleaser?”  Share your thoughts on People Pleasers.  You can be candid and can say what you mean, because remember “I really don’t care what people think!”  :-)   Get a Life… Posted in Love!

  • Michelle

    I’ll be the first to admit I am a people pleaser, but I’m working on not giving a rat’s behind what people think…I know I need to get a life. Thanks for reminding me!!

  • http://www.folkd.com/user/hannewohnen Misha Galis

    Is true I do the same always and is not nice … I nice to read about this because then maybe I can change a little and become more, thanks for the information !

  • http://ourquest.org Anthony Wallace

    You would be amazed how many pastors, when they hear about our bar ministry and it’s effectiveness, will respond with “Oh, I wish I could do that. But, what would people think?” We normally follow up with a “Who?” or “What people?”, and they usually aren’t even sure who would be upset by them doing it, but they are certain someone would be upset. And, that would just be another fire for them to put out.

  • Carrie

    I have a friend that struggles with this. It’s painful to watch them stress over every little detail and constantly apologize for everything. I pray for this person in this area because (I’m being very serious) they are on their way to a nervous breakdown. I’ve talked to this person before and they realize there’s an issue but they don’t have the drive to change it. The only thing I can do is pray for them.

  • http://www.capturedbycheryl.com mearescheryl

    Guilty as charged. I admite there are times where I find myself in that “people pleasing” mode and I have to stop….”PRAY” and take a good hard look at myself which is not always so easy but once i do….I can find the motive behind the action..if it’s not lined up with the word of God then I have some serious work to do which happens alot….Thank goodness….because I am a work in progress.

  • http://theoldblackchurch.blogspot.com/ Ann Brock

    I am a people pleaser and I hate it.

  • Chiny

    I used to be a people pleaser for MANY years of my life. I was burned out, stressed, I think I even saw some premature gray hairs!! What’s even worse is I was not home very much where I was NEEDED to be with my husband and kids. The ;ast severl years I have simplified my life. I deleted a TON of no good negative and draining people out of my cell phone and learned to say NO a lot more than I used to. I have refocused my priorities and couldn’t be happier.

  • Just my opinion

    I try to remember people pleasers aren’t born, they are made. People who seek to please others only do so because of something that “went wrong” in their life growing up. Children raised in a loving and supportive environment grow up self-assured and not as pleasers. Often kids who have parents with personality disorders/alcoholism and such end up as pleasers. I think it’s kinda harsh to tell them to “get a life.” I mean, they don’t want to please others, they don’t want to bend their will to yours, but they don’t know how not to. They need help, guidance, God and support to change… Just my 2 cents.

  • scoot

    I completely agree with your thoughts, Just my opinion. I myself have had to change from being a people pleaser all the time to being comfortable enough with myself to be my own person. I still make every attempt I can to be plesant to those around me, but I’ve learned not to give up myself to make those around me happy.

  • Scott Williams

    Thanks to everyone for sharing your personal experiences and thoughts!

  • http://www.thisgirlsjourney.wordpress.com kazzles

    I think it’s something I have really struggled with. My accident last year has mostly cured me of it – no one really gets my life now as I just don’t have the energy to run around pleasing people anymore. I lost ‘friends’ and battled feelings of inadequacy as well.

    My old church had a culture that really encouraged this not so great side of my personality though. I think leadership in churches needs to be wise about not putting too much pressure on those who can’t say no. I’ve learnt better but I wish I didn’t have to burn out and get a brain injury to know what I know now. Wiser leadership would have definitely helped.

  • http://Yahoo?Don'tcompletelyunderstandthis. Debra Vlasak

    For the longest time and even today I struggle with this. I think it’s only normal for people to want to be loved or liked or to fit into a social group and the majority of us aren’t afraid to jump through a few hoops to accomplish this. I don’t feel this makes me a fake or a phoney as I endeavor as much as possible to treat people in the manner I wish to be treated, and to love people with the love of God. This could go under your blog about yea or nay as well. I at times would accept some responsibility begrudgingly but with a smile on my face because I didn’t know how to say NO. It has been a journey for me to get to the point that I know that I am what the word of God says I am and not waste my time worrying about what others may say or think. When a person realizes the precious gift of “It’s Christ in Me, the hope of glory” then they can realize the confidence of not having to be a people pleaser. Praying for a speedy recovery for Jayden. God bless you!!

  • http://Yahoo?Don'tcompletelyunderstandthis. Debra Vlasak

    Wanted to comment to just my opinion, My parents were tavern owners and I don’t use it as an excuse any longer for the way my life turned out. Everybody has a story to tell and there are plenty of horrible details to mine and I had a lot of emotional baggage for a long time. My youngest brother and I wrestled a loaded deer rifle out of my father’s mouth when we were 13 and 9 because of the effects of alcoholism. I was heading down the same path but love lifted me out of the muck of this world. So thankful that God thought I was worth it and I’m on my knees greatful every day. But back then I didn’t know how to get a life. Just my 2 cents as well.

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