Pastors, Leaders, People… Stop Having Affairs!

It truly breaks my heart every time that I hear about people having affairs; especially those who have been entrusted with a leadership role.  It doesn’t matter whether we are talking about the President, Politicians, Teachers, Pastors, Coaches, Worship Leaders, Sports Superstars…  These individuals who have been blessed and entrusted with the responsibility of leadership influence should hold that influence tightly, lightly and responsibly all at the same time.

Honestly, as a pastor this selfish cheating mess is probably one of the most frustrating/irritating areas to counsel people through; especially when the individuals don’t seem to understand the impact of their selfish actions. Not only do they not realize the impact, but they would have probably continued if they hadn’t gotten caught. This tragedy can also be one of the more rewarding areas to celebrate/praise on the other side, through total repentance and legitimate restoration.

I know people may say Scott you are naive and it can happen to anybody, but I say this with all the humility I can muster up “IT DOESN’T HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ANYBODY!” I read through 1 Corinthians 6 again today and I don’t care what version I read, The Message, New Century or NIV, they all communicated the same thing.  Run, Flee, Your Body Is A Temple, You Were Bought By God For a Price. As Christ Followers and especially as Christian Leaders; we don’t get to pick and choose how we act.  We are held to a higher standard and if we can really do all things through Christ who gives us strength; I have to believe that “all things” encompasses honoring our covenant vows before God and to our spouse.

None of us are perfect, we all sin, we all fall short, we all know right from wrong and I would argue that even a non-believer understands that they are not supposed to cheat on their spouse. Marriage is serious, Treat It As Such!

A word to Pastors, Leaders or anyone else who is cheating, flirting or going down that road: Stop, Flee, Run and Pray.  Proverbs 5:5 talks about the adulteress woman this way, She’s dancing down the primrose path to Death; she’s headed straight for Hell and taking you with her.

Satan doesn’t have any power over you, only the power to deceive. If you’re choosing to go down this road of deception, ultimately Satan is Playing you like a drum and Pimpin’ you like a prostitute!

Pastors, Leaders, People…  Stop Having Affairs!  Thank You!

  • Great post. I completely agree with you. I would be so bold as to say that not only does it not “HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ANYBODY,” but also that it doesn’t happen to anybody either. I’ve never known someone who woke up and found themselves having an affair against their will. People who get themselves into that mess have let their guard down at some point and allowed themselves to be in situations where they are susceptible to temptation. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 18:6, “Flee from sexual immorality!”

    • Scott Williams

      Well said…

  • Amen!

  • I get criticism every time I talk about my standards of accountability…such as with this post: http://www.ronedmondson.com/2009/12/7-ways-i-protect-my-heart-and-ministry-from-an-affair.html

    Thanks for speaking truth!

    • Scott Williams

      Thanks Ron, I always appreciate your posts and comments. I’m looking forward to hooking up one day soon!

  • God, why did I cheat on my wife? Why did I through away my family? Why did I think producing pornographic content would fulfill me more than her?

    Oh, that I could have realized then what I realize now, this handful of years later: she was very amazing! Why didn’t I see that I could be just as aroused by my wife – an arousal that was instituted by you – as I always thought I’d be by other women? Why did I buy into the lie that my wife was boring? I saw through that one two months after our separation, when I started trying to explain to the new girl what it meant to have love and commitment…. things my wife used to say to me, receiving the same blank uncomprehending step from me that I received from “the new girl”.

    Why did I have to learn the hard way? Why I couldn’t I have just listened and learned when others spoke about the life lessons they’ve learned? Why couldn’t I use the knowledge of their mistakes as an inspiration to avoid mistakes of my own?

    And why now, a decade later after all has been lost, and I’ve finally accepted your love, can I not get through to so many of the 4 million I’ve spoken in front of – allowing the lessons I’VE learned and the things I’VE lost to inspire themselves to avoid the same pitfalls?

    Our enemy doesn’t sleep, God.

    • Scott Williams

      Wow! amen and amen!

      Thank you so much for sharing Donny!

  • Well said! The idea that we somehow this is explainable is ludicrous! I wrote a column about it for our local paper and the Sheriff’s officer where I work buzzed for weeks. You can read it here: http://omygodc.blogspot.com/2010/07/adultery.html
    Tough stuff, but it needs to be said often and forcefully. Thanks for taking a stand, Scott!

    • Scott Williams

      Nicely written piece… I love the imagery of being parked down the street and imagining what is going on inside your home.

  • Michelle

    It’s called boundaries. If you don’t spend time alone (including online) with someone of the opposite sex who you aren’t married to, it makes it hard to have am affair. Protect what is important. And Reject the lies from the enemy!!! Thank you for posting this!

    • Scott Williams

      Yes! and the online piece is very important.

  • Some people probably think that I’m a freak because of the measures I put up in my life to protect my marriage from further adultery. I am personally on my guard pretty much every waking minute. I am no fool to the plans of the Enemy. He will stop at nothing to end marriages that seek to glorify God.

    I am astounded at some people who think “they’ll never do such a thing”. Having that mindset is quite honestly, the first step toward a very dangerous road. Without Christ, we don’t have the power to keep our flesh contained. Chris and I have talked with more people who have cheated than we can really remember. Everyone said the same thing: I can’t believe I did this. I never planned to. How in the world did I get here?

    One very slippery step at a time.

    We must be on our guards. We must realize that there will always be a pretty face that walks along next to us. Big deal. We gonna cheat every time we feel any sort of connection (physical, emotional or spiritual) to a person of the opposite sex? Good grief, I’d have cheated 10 times by now if so. We have to stick to the commitment that was made on our wedding day. Come hell or high water.

    I tell people this: I’m not planning to commit adultery. I’m planning not to. Big difference.

    BE ON YOUR GUARDS, PEOPLE 🙂

    And do have a lovely day.

  • Scott Williams

    Listen to Cindy Beall… She wrote the book on it! 😉

  • Great post and I totally agree! Thanks Scott!

  • Thank you for writing this. It is so important and so often never spoken.

    I am still in my twenties (but only for another month…eek) and my married friends think they are somehow invincible against adultery. They naively believe that affairs only happen to stale, old marriages.

    My generation lacks a protective mindset, one that places boundaries and guards around a marriage.

    I recently wrote a post asking if men and women can really be friends, even after marriage http://tiny.cc/ip18f Surprisingly, many married people feel that staying close friends with someone of the opposite sex is permissible, or worse yet, expected.

    No thank you. I love my man too much to allow any female to “befriend” him. Not on my watch. Ladies, look out for the adulteress too. Stand your ground and fight her off.

    • Jennifer

      As a single woman in a male-dominated industry, I can assure you that most single women are not pursuing married men or running them down like poor helpless lambs. While I agree that a close friendship between a single person and married person of the opposite gender shouldn’t happen, I can assure you that, in most cases, the married guy is either the initiator or an equal participant. After suffering the suspicious, hateful glares of a number of coworkers’ wives, it is hard to point out that (a) their husbands made the first move, and (b) their husbands are now badmouthing me because I turned them down.

      Please, let’s hold men fully accountable for their own choices as well instead of vilifying women who are already doing the best they can to make it work and turn down married guys’ advances and consequent attempts at retaliation for any rejection. Men who are capable of running businesses and leading families, they are certainly capable of not putting in all the time, work, and effort it takes to make an affair happen with a woman who is not their wife.

  • Ruben Potter

    I think this is the first time to my blog, and I have to say, couldn’t agree more with you.

    People use the “imperfection” excuse as a license to do vice, but even non-believers know where to draw the line.

    Hope more people will start being grounded in the WORD, which is the power to overcome ANY deception that satan throws.

    God Bless

  • great stuff williams! I come from a fam that has been torn apart by 5 generations of adultery…hundreds of years. I can say that it will NOT HAPPEN to Chris and Jodie Spradlin. With God’s Power WE WILL turn this around, my kids WILL BE SET FREE from this generational baggage!

  • Thank you for addressing this so boldly Scott! I couldn’t agree more. The enemy is trying so hard to defeat us in this area and is succeeding for many. We must stand up and say ENOUGH! Well said my friend. Thanks you. I posted some things about marriage on my blog that some here may find interesting!

  • SurvivorGirl007

    Great and timely post. More folks need to take a stand, as you’ve done. I do want to clarify that the term “affair” where a pastor and his congregant is concerned is actually a misnomer. It’s ABUSE. Because of the power differential between a member of the clergy and his parishioner, the relationship is never truly consensual. Pastors, like therapists, doctors, and teachers, have a fiduciary duty to “do no harm” by establishing and maintaining appropriate boundaries. Even if a woman pursues her pastor, he is the one bound by a sacred trust to hold to those boundaries and is 100% responsible if they are violated. Clergy Sexual Abuse (CSA) and Clergy Sexual Conduct (CSM) are rampant in the church. What is it going to take to stop this? EDUCATING CONGREGATIONS. For more information on CSA/CSM, please take a look at this recent study done by a sociologist at Baylor University at http://www.baylor.edu/clergysexualmisconduct/. Another informative website is: http://www.faithtrustinstitute.org. If you or someone you know is trapped in CSA/CSM, please seek help and healing at http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.com.

    Again, excellent post!

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