Comments on: Pastors, Leaders, People… Stop Having Affairs! http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/2010/07/26/pastors-leaders-people-stop-having-affairs/ dream BIG. think BIGGER. Sat, 11 Feb 2012 03:48:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: SurvivorGirl007 http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/2010/07/26/pastors-leaders-people-stop-having-affairs/#comment-12249 SurvivorGirl007 Thu, 04 Nov 2010 17:22:59 +0000 http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/?p=5652#comment-12249 Great and timely post. More folks need to take a stand, as you've done. I do want to clarify that the term "affair" where a pastor and his congregant is concerned is actually a misnomer. It's ABUSE. Because of the power differential between a member of the clergy and his parishioner, the relationship is never truly consensual. Pastors, like therapists, doctors, and teachers, have a fiduciary duty to "do no harm" by establishing and maintaining appropriate boundaries. Even if a woman pursues her pastor, he is the one bound by a sacred trust to hold to those boundaries and is 100% responsible if they are violated. Clergy Sexual Abuse (CSA) and Clergy Sexual Conduct (CSM) are rampant in the church. What is it going to take to stop this? EDUCATING CONGREGATIONS. For more information on CSA/CSM, please take a look at this recent study done by a sociologist at Baylor University at www.baylor.edu/clergysexualmisconduct/. Another informative website is: www.faithtrustinstitute.org. If you or someone you know is trapped in CSA/CSM, please seek help and healing at www.thehopeofsurvivors.com. Again, excellent post! Great and timely post. More folks need to take a stand, as you’ve done. I do want to clarify that the term “affair” where a pastor and his congregant is concerned is actually a misnomer. It’s ABUSE. Because of the power differential between a member of the clergy and his parishioner, the relationship is never truly consensual. Pastors, like therapists, doctors, and teachers, have a fiduciary duty to “do no harm” by establishing and maintaining appropriate boundaries. Even if a woman pursues her pastor, he is the one bound by a sacred trust to hold to those boundaries and is 100% responsible if they are violated. Clergy Sexual Abuse (CSA) and Clergy Sexual Conduct (CSM) are rampant in the church. What is it going to take to stop this? EDUCATING CONGREGATIONS. For more information on CSA/CSM, please take a look at this recent study done by a sociologist at Baylor University at http://www.baylor.edu/clergysexualmisconduct/. Another informative website is: http://www.faithtrustinstitute.org. If you or someone you know is trapped in CSA/CSM, please seek help and healing at http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.com.

Again, excellent post!

]]> By: Chuck Salser http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/2010/07/26/pastors-leaders-people-stop-having-affairs/#comment-10725 Chuck Salser Tue, 27 Jul 2010 05:48:21 +0000 http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/?p=5652#comment-10725 Thank you for addressing this so boldly Scott! I couldn't agree more. The enemy is trying so hard to defeat us in this area and is succeeding for many. We must stand up and say ENOUGH! Well said my friend. Thanks you. I posted some things about marriage on my blog that some here may find interesting! Thank you for addressing this so boldly Scott! I couldn’t agree more. The enemy is trying so hard to defeat us in this area and is succeeding for many. We must stand up and say ENOUGH! Well said my friend. Thanks you. I posted some things about marriage on my blog that some here may find interesting!

]]> By: Chris Spradlin http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/2010/07/26/pastors-leaders-people-stop-having-affairs/#comment-10724 Chris Spradlin Tue, 27 Jul 2010 05:06:32 +0000 http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/?p=5652#comment-10724 great stuff williams! I come from a fam that has been torn apart by 5 generations of adultery...hundreds of years. I can say that it will NOT HAPPEN to Chris and Jodie Spradlin. With God's Power WE WILL turn this around, my kids WILL BE SET FREE from this generational baggage! great stuff williams! I come from a fam that has been torn apart by 5 generations of adultery…hundreds of years. I can say that it will NOT HAPPEN to Chris and Jodie Spradlin. With God’s Power WE WILL turn this around, my kids WILL BE SET FREE from this generational baggage!

]]> By: Ruben Potter http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/2010/07/26/pastors-leaders-people-stop-having-affairs/#comment-10720 Ruben Potter Mon, 26 Jul 2010 21:08:37 +0000 http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/?p=5652#comment-10720 I think this is the first time to my blog, and I have to say, couldn't agree more with you. People use the "imperfection" excuse as a license to do vice, but even non-believers know where to draw the line. Hope more people will start being grounded in the WORD, which is the power to overcome ANY deception that satan throws. God Bless I think this is the first time to my blog, and I have to say, couldn’t agree more with you.

People use the “imperfection” excuse as a license to do vice, but even non-believers know where to draw the line.

Hope more people will start being grounded in the WORD, which is the power to overcome ANY deception that satan throws.

God Bless

]]> By: Jennifer http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/2010/07/26/pastors-leaders-people-stop-having-affairs/#comment-10719 Jennifer Mon, 26 Jul 2010 19:59:27 +0000 http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/?p=5652#comment-10719 As a single woman in a male-dominated industry, I can assure you that most single women are not pursuing married men or running them down like poor helpless lambs. While I agree that a close friendship between a single person and married person of the opposite gender shouldn't happen, I can assure you that, in most cases, the married guy is either the initiator or an equal participant. After suffering the suspicious, hateful glares of a number of coworkers' wives, it is hard to point out that (a) their husbands made the first move, and (b) their husbands are now badmouthing me because I turned them down. Please, let's hold men fully accountable for their own choices as well instead of vilifying women who are already doing the best they can to make it work and turn down married guys' advances and consequent attempts at retaliation for any rejection. Men who are capable of running businesses and leading families, they are certainly capable of not putting in all the time, work, and effort it takes to make an affair happen with a woman who is not their wife. As a single woman in a male-dominated industry, I can assure you that most single women are not pursuing married men or running them down like poor helpless lambs. While I agree that a close friendship between a single person and married person of the opposite gender shouldn’t happen, I can assure you that, in most cases, the married guy is either the initiator or an equal participant. After suffering the suspicious, hateful glares of a number of coworkers’ wives, it is hard to point out that (a) their husbands made the first move, and (b) their husbands are now badmouthing me because I turned them down.

Please, let’s hold men fully accountable for their own choices as well instead of vilifying women who are already doing the best they can to make it work and turn down married guys’ advances and consequent attempts at retaliation for any rejection. Men who are capable of running businesses and leading families, they are certainly capable of not putting in all the time, work, and effort it takes to make an affair happen with a woman who is not their wife.

]]> By: Modern Reject http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/2010/07/26/pastors-leaders-people-stop-having-affairs/#comment-10718 Modern Reject Mon, 26 Jul 2010 17:06:58 +0000 http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/?p=5652#comment-10718 Thank you for writing this. It is so important and so often never spoken. I am still in my twenties (but only for another month...eek) and my married friends think they are somehow invincible against adultery. They naively believe that affairs only happen to stale, old marriages. My generation lacks a protective mindset, one that places boundaries and guards around a marriage. I recently wrote a post asking if men and women can really be friends, even after marriage http://tiny.cc/ip18f Surprisingly, many married people feel that staying close friends with someone of the opposite sex is permissible, or worse yet, expected. No thank you. I love my man too much to allow any female to "befriend" him. Not on my watch. Ladies, look out for the adulteress too. Stand your ground and fight her off. Thank you for writing this. It is so important and so often never spoken.

I am still in my twenties (but only for another month…eek) and my married friends think they are somehow invincible against adultery. They naively believe that affairs only happen to stale, old marriages.

My generation lacks a protective mindset, one that places boundaries and guards around a marriage.

I recently wrote a post asking if men and women can really be friends, even after marriage http://tiny.cc/ip18f Surprisingly, many married people feel that staying close friends with someone of the opposite sex is permissible, or worse yet, expected.

No thank you. I love my man too much to allow any female to “befriend” him. Not on my watch. Ladies, look out for the adulteress too. Stand your ground and fight her off.

]]> By: Jeffery Stockdale http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/2010/07/26/pastors-leaders-people-stop-having-affairs/#comment-10716 Jeffery Stockdale Mon, 26 Jul 2010 16:11:42 +0000 http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/?p=5652#comment-10716 Great post and I totally agree! Thanks Scott! Great post and I totally agree! Thanks Scott!

]]> By: Scott Williams http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/2010/07/26/pastors-leaders-people-stop-having-affairs/#comment-10715 Scott Williams Mon, 26 Jul 2010 12:40:33 +0000 http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/?p=5652#comment-10715 Listen to Cindy Beall... She wrote the book on it! ;-) Listen to Cindy Beall… She wrote the book on it! ;-)

]]> By: Scott Williams http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/2010/07/26/pastors-leaders-people-stop-having-affairs/#comment-10714 Scott Williams Mon, 26 Jul 2010 12:36:55 +0000 http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/?p=5652#comment-10714 Yes! and the online piece is very important. Yes! and the online piece is very important.

]]> By: Scott Williams http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/2010/07/26/pastors-leaders-people-stop-having-affairs/#comment-10713 Scott Williams Mon, 26 Jul 2010 12:36:03 +0000 http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/?p=5652#comment-10713 Nicely written piece... I love the imagery of being parked down the street and imagining what is going on inside your home. Nicely written piece… I love the imagery of being parked down the street and imagining what is going on inside your home.

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