Stop Lusting After Your Pastor!

I remember having a conversation with a pastor friend of mine who happens to be a female.  She was sharing the various unique things that women in the church struggle with and things they have confided in her.  One of the things that she shared made me have one of those “hmm” moments.  She stated that women that she’s talked w/ in various churches struggle with the fact that They Think Their Pastor’s Sexy!  Not to be confused with the popular country music song “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy.” Not only do they think their Pastor’s Sexy, but they struggle with their mind and eyes wandering into inappropriate places.  It becomes a challenge because they will have these lustful thoughts as their pastor is speaking. The same can be true for men with a female pastors or lust in general.

Many pastors teach the concept out of the book Every Mans Battle called “Bouncing Your Eyes” in other words don’t keep your eyes focused on someone of the opposite sex for too long.   Keeping your eyes moving can keep you out of trouble.  This is something that is stereotypically geared towards guys… but what about the ladies?  There is a book called Every Womans Battle, although I have not heard anything about the content.

After my conversation with my female pastor friend; it’s probably fair for me to make the assumption that there are women sitting in pews and seats of churches all around the country that may be struggling with the inability to “Bounce Their Eyes.”  As their eyes are having to fixated on their “Sexy Pastor,” who happens to be in front of them for relatively lengthy periods of time each and every week.  The fact that their pastor is a man of God, tells great stories and seems to be rather put together only increases the the sexiness factor.

The thoughts running through their head might be something like this: He’s Hot, I like that suit, Are those True Religion Jeans, He’s so spiritual, I wish my husband treated me like that, He’s so Handsome, Nice Hair, He dresses so fly, I can tell he’s been working out, He’s so considerate, I know he’s married but, I would, I wonder if I can share that with him, I bet he… After thinking these thoughts, their mind wanders for a moment or two or three or four and unfortunately, this cycle can repeat itself on a weekly basis.  The Bible says this… “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28  Ladies this passage applies to you as well, so please Stop Lusting After Your Pastor!

God created us with a unique ability to train and control our eyes, actions and mind.  Exercise your ability and gain control.

Do women get a pass? Is this a problem? How does play into the overall adultery scheme of things? Share your thoughts.

  • Personally, I think this is a common issue. For both sexes. And isn’t relegated only to people lusting after the Pastor who is preaching, but thinking the same things of the worship leader, people in the band, leaders in other environments.

    I’m not saying that these two things are related, but I’ve often found it interesting the amount of male pastors & worship leaders vs the amount of women in a congregation. As in, most of us know that women comprise a majority of church goers…and that most pastors & worship leaders are male.

    Maybe if there were more female preachers & worship leaders, there would be more males in the congregation looking at them each week.

    Hey, you never know 😉

  • Great blog post!

    People need to refocus. Their Pastor (male) is their Spiritual Father (female) their Spiritual Mother. They (the congregant) are the spiritual daughters or sons. If you don’t lust after daddy at home, why are you lusting at your daddy in church? If you don’t lust at your mama at home, why are you lusting after your mama in church? It’s sick (in the literal term) It’s something that needs to be addressed and corrected. As Spiritual Parents in our house, I’ve had to make it abundantly clear that Pastor is the husband to one wife, me. That women in the church are REALLY “daughters of the faith.” Pastor also makes it clear that women are “daughters in the faith.” Once people catch that revelation I think it will be very helpful to the entire situation on all parties sides. Is it easy? No. What is? But it is necessary to have right, clear and focused perspectives. I think I might blog myself off of this 🙂 Once again – great post.

  • I agree with you, and, yes, it applies to both genders. The problem in my last church was the lusting coming from the pulpit. What happens when pastors, in this case a husband and wife team, uses their sexuality to get possessions and access and …. sex? In the non-church world it is called abuse of power, assault/battery (unlawful touching) and sexual harassment.

    • It’s called the same thing in the church: abuse of power, assault/battery (unlawful touching) and sexual harassment. There’s also a general term for it: sin.

  • J.Jackson

    I find it interesting that a story on the same topic, but with the sexes reversed, would likely include some sort of exhortation to women to dress modestly so as not to tempt men with their appearance. Are men exempt from any responsibility for causing women to stumble, unlike women who “tempt” men? Or are do men bear the primary responsibility for causing women to stumble, as women seem to when it comes to men’s struggles?

    Just curious – I’ve seen this dichotomy often as I’ve grown up in the church.

  • Lust is a problem, period. 🙂

    Good post, man.

  • Great article and I’m glad you addressed the this issue. Women do indeed get a pass on lust because it often doesn’t manifest as viscerally as it does in men and it is still taboo in many church environments for women to acknowledge normal sexual urges (that’s another topic). Women tend to be fantasy oriented instead of purely physically oriented; so the sexual lust is usually enhanced by notions of a man’s personality, character, and general presence. You did a good job describing the thought process of a woman strugglin’ on a Sunday morning.

    Men are often chastised for objectifying the female body, but women are guilty of objectifying men through mental fantasies of them as the perfect husband, lover, friend, etc., which is just as insidious.

    One thing women can do to eradicate lustful thoughts towards a church leader is to repent of selfish objectification and recognize first that her pastor is human and has faults like anyone else. The image you see on Sunday morning is still only a slice of his daily persona. The wife God chose for him is uniquely equipped to love him and vice versa.

    Secondly, women should pray for their pastor and his wife/family. Lust is selfish while love is selfless. Praying for people changes the heart – pretty soon, a woman who previously saw her pastor as a romantic figure will move into a place of purity and brotherly love where she wants the best for him and his family.

    Thirdly, good and bad thoughts hit us constantly but we have an obligation to bring them under subjection to the Word and Spirit. When the lustful thought comes we have to identify it, and counter it with truth and life – replacing the negative with the positive.

    • Jimmy Hankins

      Sorry Scott, you just don’t do it for me. (grin)
      I actually think women have it worse than men when it comes to “acquaintance” lust. IMHO, with women, it’s concept first, then visual. Pretty much the opposite of men. So, someone they had absolutely no lust for, can suddenly transform into an “object” of lust because their concept of the person suddenly changed. Something that was said, or done by the guy, triggers a memory response and reaction that makes the guy suddenly “desirable”. Whereas before that, nada.

      That bouncing eyeball thing always makes me laugh. How does a good looking person know when they’ve encountered a Christian? The lamb never ever looks directly at them! This is why more ugly people get saved…(ducks!) (grin)

  • Excellent post, and I think this spins off into several different directions as well. The pastor as personality set up that exists in most churches isn’t helpful in this area. The idea of spiritual and organizational power is still attractive, whether male or female. Leadership, organization, public presence, effusive personality, all of these are hallmarks of what most churches are looking for in an ‘up-front” leader and yet these are the magnets that attract emotional, physical, and ultimately sexual desires.

    One question would be this: what is the local church doing to call this out and address it on a regular basis? How can the pastor do this without sounding like, “Well, since I know several of you can’t concentrate because you want me…”

    Thanks for the post!

  • Hey Scott I don’t think this one applies to me? LOL

  • Carol

    “Your vision becomes clear when you look inside your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.” Carl Jung

  • Lynn

    I couldn’t believe it while reading this article…this is EXACTLY what happened to me. I was under a man of God for 7 years and NEVER had an eye on him. It wasn’t until I started having marital problems. He counseled me on several occasions about it, and eventually he became more personal with his own issues of lust.

    The adversary is very insidious. If you are weak already, and the person you have eyes for is also weak, this makes for a terrible outcome. Let’s just say, I’ve had to walk away from that local body, as devastating as that was. My family was affected and my husband is hurting, thinking about why I would compromise our relationship.

    Thank you for the insight, because running was all I knew to do to salvage my relationship with my husband.

  • Dan Cruz

    Moral weakness attracts Moral weakness. In a room of 600, I as a Pastor have constantly observed that the morally weak will some how gravitate towards people I happen to know are struggling in the same area, many times without a word having been spoken. I’ve often shared with my wife in conversation about congregants, “I sure hope these people don’t sit next to each other anytime soon”

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