Facebook Does Not Cause Affairs and Divorce

There is good amount of research out there that claims that Facebook is the cause affairs and divorce. According to the online research, divorces have been on the rise since social media sites like Facebook have become increasingly popular, research claims.

These social connection sites are being utilized more and more by unhappy individuals to seek out and have an affair and cheat on their partner. Facebook is being cited in almost 1 out of 5 online divorce petitions lawyers have claimed.

My personal thoughts are that facebook and social sites don’t cause affairs and divorces.  It’s the people using the sites that create the positive or negative affects of the sites based upon their behavior.  I think making Facebook the problem takes the responsibility out of the hands of the real culprit, those allowing Facebook to lead to sin.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not naive to think that Facebook isn’t a tool for adulteress behavior.  As a matter of fact I’ve had many people in my office that have used this tool for inappropriate behavior, resulting in devastation to their marriage.

The bottom line is Facebook and other online social sites are neutral.  These sites don’t cause anything, they are simply a tool.  Just like a gun doesn’t cause murders, the inappropriate use of the gun causes murders.  If the gun is used properly it’s a tool that saves lives, puts food on the table and used for sporting.  The same is true for Facebook, as it has many more positives than negatives.

Facebook Does Not Cause Affairs and Divorce… People Do!

Below are 7 methods to help married couples create positive barriers into their online presence:

  • Universal passwords for e-mail and social media account log-ins
  • Joint online accounts with joint photos
  • Encourage utilization and sharing of one another’s account
  • No Ex Policy (Ex boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, acquaintances… can’t be on your friends list)
  • Ask the question, “Would my spouse be okay with this message, email or post?”
  • Openness and honesty (Know your struggles)
  • Delete your account

There are many different ways to minimize the risk and not allow a hint of inappropriate behavior to step into your marriage.  Guard your hearts or they will end up like the image in this post. {bro ken}

Share your thoughts experiences on whether or not Facebook causes affairs and divorce. What methods have you used that have proven to be effective?

  • Scott you have nailed it! It is easier to point the finger instead of doing the hard work and looking honestly at what is happening in our hearts when we even consider the possibilities available on a service like Facebook. I do not believe that a stable relationship that is centered on Christ and being a friend and lover to your spouse has ever been rocked by a friend request from an ex. I do believe that if you are not willing to be open with your spouse with your conversations be it Facebook, email, etc. then there are larger issues at hand and that couple should seek a Godly counselor immediately.

    Glad you posted this!

    jonesy

    • Scott Williams

      Amen and amen. Well said

  • Scott, I think that’s a pretty solid analogy. Guns don’t kill people, people do. And Facebook Does Not Cause Affairs and Divorce… People Do! But both have the potential to cause harm if used inappropriately, so proper safety measure should be employed in the use of both.

    • Scott Williams

      Proper safety is critical…

  • Sorry, but I don’t agree with putting Facebook and guns in the same category. That really is not a good comparison here.

    The issue with Facebook is not making sure you have the right ‘methods’ or ‘safety measures’ in place. The issue is with the hearts of the people involved. Just avoiding or trying to control the ‘tool’ used for divorce will not ‘heal’ or fix anything. Even if you can control and avoid EVERY tool for divorce there is, you won’t be able to heal the issue, or avoid divorce.

    Communicate with your spouse, Talk together, get a counselor, work on your relationship with each other, with God. <- That would be a start anyway.

    • Scott Williams

      It’s absolutely an issue of the heart. I would agree and research indicates that couples that attend church together regularly and pray together daily (go to God for their daily bread and learn to take things to Him daily) have a less than 1% chance of divorce. The problem is getting couples to pray together, go to church together and really allow God to change their lives and marriage together.

      The issue is the claim that Facebook (the tool) is the problem. In that case, here are some ways to help ensure that tool doesn’t become a problem.

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  • I agree completely. People were divorcing and commiting adultery long before social media and will be soing so when Facebook and the rest die out. As for how to handle it–the steps you listed are all about transparency and transparency is key.

    • Scott Williams

      The headlines 20 years ago could have read, Pagers are Causing Affairs and Divorce. Wow, I remember pagers and beepers. 🙂

  • In my case i could easily point the finger like this… However, my wife used facebook and Myspace as a tool to communicate and plot her secrete lifestyle before ultimately ending our marriage.

    I agree whole heartedly, when you make things private, or block your spouse from seeing your profile on a site, you’re obviously engaged in some sort of secret, or sin…

    I’d also add Forgiveness to the list, even though forgiving her didn’t bring her back, did not save our marriage, it has brought me peace, and given me the strength to let God rebuild me. Forgiveness is important, because you/your spouse may goof up, set the ground rules like you said, show grace when necessary.

    • should’ve clarified..

      used as a tool, not the culprit..

    • Scott Williams

      Thanks for sharing… Forgiveness is crucial. The barriers and tools are never a substitute for face-to-face communication and the peace that comes with true forgiveness.

  • Opus56379

    Transparency? What the hell ever happened to trust? Not to mention, people have a right to personal and private lives even in marriage. The only one of your methods I would agree with is Ask the question, “Would my spouse be okay with this message, email or post?” If my insecurity is so bad that I need to be looking over my partner’s shoulder I don’t need to be in a marriage to begin with. Let her talk with whomever she likes. If it leads her astray and she’s not interested in reconciling the relationship, I need to be enough of a man to walk away with respect for the “mysteries” of her soul that lead her away.

    • Jenny

      I agree that we all have a right to our personal and private lives, but once you get married you are no longer your own.. If you are living according to scripture we are called to be one with each other, it is no longer I but us and we.. It is no longer yours or mine but ours. Marriage is a beautiful thing when people die to who they are and there ways and seek the better good of the other.. I mean I agree with the post but how many of you are willing to say yeah sure I have nothing to hide so my life is a open book to the one I said I do too?

  • fantastic article.
    We have to take responsability of our “updates” and online behavior. But I think most of those articles about divorces are just like tabloid news.

    Cheers,
    @RolandoPeralta

  • jimmy hankins

    silly rabbits. Distraction doesn’t kill people. Sin does. (grin)

  • Debi DeBanto

    In a society that is moving away from personal accountability, I’m not surprised to hear that some people are trying to pass the rap to facebook.

    Part of being in a marriage is trusting each other. I agree with Opus on that one. Take care of your own behavior, get yourself right with God and make your marriage a priority. Don’t be a spy. That will never turn out good for anyone.

  • Heather

    my husband I use the no ex policy just for the simple fact of respect for one another

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