Should Men Open Car Doors For Women?

One of the many cool thing about working with my team is the spirited debates that we have on a regular basis.  The subject matter of these debates covers a wide range of topics including: theology, politics, leadership, ministry philosophy, parenting… to things like:”Should Men Open Car Doors For Women?“  Today’s debate was dealing with exactly that question: ”Should Men Open Car Doors For Women?”

Today’s discussion had input not only from our campus team, but the other teams who share a building with us joined in on the fun.  There were some common themes in the responses from the guys, when asked the following question: ”Do You Open The Door For Your Wife/Girlfriend?“  The responses included:

  • Sometimes or It depends
  • I used to when we were dating but not since we’ve been married
  • I have a key-less entry and my wife prefers me to just open the door
  • It’s not practical to open the door
  • That’s Old Fashioned

When asking the question: ”Should Men Open The Car Door For Women?“ The responses included:

  • Absolutely… that’s what a gentlemen does
  • Yes they should, especially if they are dating
  • Of course, that’s how you teach your son’s how they should behave
  • It depends on if the woman would like for him to or not
  • Women need to be trained to wait on the man to open the door
  • Why does the man have to be the one to open the door

What are your thoughts to either one of the above questions: Do you open the car door for your wife/girlfriend?  Does your husband/boyfriend open the car door for you?  Should Men Open The Car Door For Women?

  • Amanda

    Absolutely!!! Simple things like opening car doors & pulling chairs up to the table show a certain level of respect a man holds for women. Just the same as a woman allowing the man to drive, or be the major decision maker when it comes to family purchases. All things our society is quickly forgetting. Hhmmm???

  • Dwayne

    Absolutely. It shows respect for them and honors them. Most all women want the man to open the door for them.

  • Anita Soler

    I’m super independent and was not married until age 27, so even after 15 years of marriage, I still have to catch myself when I’m out with my husband. I truly did have to train myself to allow him to open doors for me. He feels like that is a simple way for him to consistently show me that he puts me ahead of himself. Every time he hustles ahead to open my door, it reminds me that I’m cherished. Little things, baby……

  • Melissa Z

    I’m not as concerned about car doors as I am doors into buildings. The car door takes more time and really I am totally capabler of opening it. Now every once in a while it might be a nice gesture but I don’t expect it all the time. Of all the chivalry gestures in the world, this one and throwing the coat down for a lady to walk, are on the bottom of my list!

  • Jerry

    Yes, men should open the car door for his wife/girlfriend. Shows them that we honor and respect them. Simple thing to do. But most men don’t do it.

  • steveharrison

    Honor! Respect! I opened my wifes door when we dated & I still open the car door for her after 29 years of marriage. I’m called to & will continue to honor her. I personally think when I have the opportunity I should open or hold the door for others, especially females at restaurants, convenience stores, etc. It’s a simple manner in which to say I value & respect you.

  • Crystal

    I agree it is a bit old fashioned, however I do think it is nice to have the door opened for you (both car doors and building doors). I found the reason above: “Of course, that’s how you teach your son’s how they should behave” to quite interesting, because my boss actually makes sure to do this for his wife and daughters because he wants to make sure to set the example for his daughters of what should be expected from a a gentlemen. Which is NOT to be catered upon, but rather to be treated with RESPECT. It does not mean it is to be expected but only to know that each person is to be respected.

  • Al

    “Depends” – My wife enjoys it for reasons stated already – after 15 years married, I still open her door, and it’s still goodness.

    Years ago, I watched an older gentleman hold the door for a younger woman who walked with considerable difficulty – and she snapped at him for ‘demeaning’ her by treating her like a lesser being. Had I been closer, I might have asked her, “In what fantasy world do the royalty open the doors for the servants? – it’s the other way around, Princess! – it’s the servant who opens the door.” (Glad now that I kept that inside…)

    It really is a gesture of putting the woman first, showing respect, humility, an kindness. So unless the woman feels like the gal in the previous paragraph, yes – a gentleman should open the door (car or building) for a lady.

  • Maurice

    I’ve been doing it for over 42 years and I don’t plan to stop.

  • Jack

    I don’t always open car doors. I’m not married and I don’t date, but for special occasions I open the car door for my female friends. I would do it more, but they don’t want it done all the time, mostly for convenience and not wanting me to go out of my way.

    Building doors, though, are a different matter. Whether male or female, I try to hold the door open if they’re in the immediate vicinity. My mother also taught me that it’s okay to walk through the doorway and hold the door from the other side (otherwise, it’s just awkward for everybody).

    Ultimately, though, were I married or had a girlfriend, I would do all kinds of things to make sure she knew I treasured her (as a companion, not a possession).

  • Jessica Woods

    My husband has since our first date. Now our four year old son participates. I think it says a lot about a man.

  • Deedy Starr

    I think it’s a matter of respect that men should show to women…actually that PEOPLE show to others. I have my door opened periodically by my husband of 23 years and I also open HIS door sometimes, too. He almost always opens the door to a building for me. I also open doors for him and for anyone coming in or going out when I do. It’s simply manners…something our culture seems to be doing away with, but again…respect and common decency for others.

  • Catrina Thomas

    I don’t feel that it is necessary for my husband to open the door for me. Although it would be a nice gesture, I’m not offended by him not doing so. My husband does an excellent job with showing me that he loves, respects and appreciates me.

    I thnk that it boils down to knowing your spouse/mate well. Some people may actually “need” their better half to open the door for them in order to feel loved, respected and appreciated. I don’t get jealous whenever I see sister Sally getting her door opened. I believe that relationships are already complicated enough and there is no reason to add to it by getting offended because your door isn’t being opened by your better half.

  • http://gregsrandomness.blogspot.com/ Greg M

    In this day and age of clickers and since my wife walks two steps ahead of me, I am showing respect if I can get the door unlocked before she gets to the car.

    It is all about respect. A man should show a woman, especially his wife, respect in all areas. I do open doors for my wife and hold the door open for any woman to enter.

    A young woman who had come from a broken family(thats what we called them back in the day before dysfunctional and blended were in)was asked why she chose to follow Jesus. At one part of her answer, she refered to the youth minister at the time. She said, “I watched him walk across the parking lot with his wife. No one else was around and he opened the car door for his wife. I thought if he was that sincere and respectful to her when no one else was watching, then what he taught us must be sincere also.” She said she had never seen that kind of respect at home and she wanted what the young couple had.

    Sincere respect when no one else is watching will help grow a relationship.

  • @jaclynhurst

    When I see a man open the car door for their wife it shows me he has a lot of respect for her and genuinely cares to serve her. Doing the little things to serve eachother, will go a long way in their marriage.

  • http://www.d2design.com Paul Loyless

    Dude. I don’t BUT i should. I open the door for my daughters but not my wife. TERRIBLE. Appreciate the accountability.

  • jimmy hankins

    Sometimes or It depends. It used to be; Absolutely… that’s what a gentlemen does. I was raised Southern. AND in Texas. But you Yankees here in OKC have been a bad influence on me. (grin)
    On the other hand, I know some…how do I put this delicately, Family “girls” that would open the door for me. Cause I’m just a lil thing, comparatively speaking. Whew. Got thru that without saying diesel anything. (grin)

  • http://rebeccannb.wordpress.com Becky

    As a female, I love having a door opened for me. Whether it be the car door or a building door.

  • Pat

    For 35 years I always have, and always will.

  • Ron

    Yes, I do, and I LOVE Doing it… I’m kind of disappointed when she grabs the door handle before I can get there.

  • http://anthonycoppedge.com/problog Anthony Coppedge

    It’s never about a woman’s capacity – it is always about showing her the honor she deserves.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sam-Norte/100003762921870 Sam Norte

      Women do not deserve honor, they earn it. If they are honorable then I will honor them, if not they can kiss dirt.

  • Tim

    Should men open the door, yes definitely. It shows respect and that she is on your mind.

    Do I open the door for my wife, not always. Go working on doing so for my stated reasons but we aren’t perfect.

  • Ryan Hollingsworth

    Should a man open the door for a girl? No, they should want to. Regardless of your status, courting, dating, dating for years, engaged or married… she’s a princess and ought to be treated that way if you’re going to walmart, or a play on Broadway.

    Ultimately, be willing to give yourself up for her, opening a door is an act of humility… giving up one’s pride to open the door, even if your best buds are around…. it gives her a reason to respect you… Ephesians 5 isn’t a one way equation like in simple addition, it’s a reciprocal condition of give and take..

    In my opinion, the question shouldn’t have anything to do with an automobile, rather “men, are you living every day, every moment, in a willingness to give yourself up for your girl like Christ did for the church?”

    • http://greatshalom.wordpress.com Sharon Sarles

      WOW! Who are you? Are you married? If not, can I send my daughter?

    • bessy

      i love this reply. are you married sir? I am single:)

  • Richard Sims

    Years ago on our first date, and before electric door locks, I opened the door for my date. Before I got to the driver’s door she had reached over and unlocked my door for me. When I sat down, she said, “It’s a good thing you opened my door, or I would never have gone back out with you.” I responded, “It’s a good thing you reached over and unlocked my door, or I would never have gone back out with YOU.” We’ve been married for 23 years. :)

  • @natethiry

    I actually wrote a blog post about this same thing, arguing that it doesn’t happen enough these days http://natethiry.wordpress.com/2010/10/21/chivalry-needs-a-revival/
    At one point, I got so used to opening the passenger door for girls that I accidentally opened it for a guy. We exchanged awkward glances after I realized what I’d done & I promised i’d never open his door again.

  • http://greatshalom.wordpress.com Sharon Sarles

    I’ve changed my mind on this since 25 years ago. Now I say “yes” because we need some marker, some demonstration that men and women should respect one another. As a woman, I can certainly open doors for myself and almost always do. When I was a teenager, I did feel the sting of being kept incompetent. Now, however, I seldom see a man offering to help a woman with a heavy load — when it seems really obvious contribution. I see little respect (and still some discrimination, intention to see women as incompetent when they ARE demonstrably competent professionals right under the nose of the man discounting them.) So I vote “yes.” We need more in-built markers of respect between men and women and more societal expectation of contribution to the common good. However, helping with bringing the groceries in or carrying furniture up stairs would be more valuable.

  • http://sandysandmeyer.wordpress.com Sandy Sandmeyer

    My husband used to open the car door for me when we were dating, but I felt a little awkward. He does it sometimes when we’re out for something special. My parents taught our son to open his grandmother’s door for her. He’ll do it for me as well, for the price of a kiss. :)

  • http://www.sonshinensmiles.com/ Kristi Daughtrey

    I don’t think it’s ‘necessary’, but am very flattered when a man opens a door for me. I just find if very polite and gentlemanly. My hubby often does it -though the car door just kinda depends. If we have the kids in tow, he rarely does it, obviously, because we’re having to strap the kids in the car. Though he does use the ‘clicker’ to unlock the door for me before I get to it, that’s nice!
    And not just your spouse or girlfriend, let’s not forget the elderly, and moms handling babies or young children – any help they can get is mucho appreciated! (no matter who you are!) ;-)

  • tiny tim

    Well first of all I can’t drive. I am an adult with a childlike mind so there are some things that I just can’t do.

    Anyways I would not open any door for someone just because they are a women. If I do open a door for a woman it will not be because she is a woman and if I do open a door for a man it will not be because he is a man. Also it’s up to me if I want to open a door for someone or not.

  • Ken

    I will for my girlfriend. I will open doors for other, random women only if it is somehow appropriate, like if they have their hands full or the door is heavy. Do I do this just because they are women? NO! I would afford this politeness to any man as well. If women want true equality, then they need to stop frivolously expecting men to go out of their way to perform little chivalric tasks for them. I mean, how could you take a coworker seriously if they were offended that you didn’t open a door for them, just because they were a woman? I think people should question gestures like these and consider how they actually do more harm for women than help.

    • Anna

      EXACTLY!

  • Guest

    Hahaha I’m really late on this but I will respond anyway. It would have never ever bothered me whether a man opens the car door for me or not but now that I started dating a man who does it (will hurry ahead of me to do it, etc) it actually feels really good. I let him because he wants to and it is charming. I am annoyed that he wont let me pay for anything, that is going to have to stop eventually… but he can open my doors for me as long as he wants. I WILL notice when he stops opening doors for me, however, (if he does) and so he set himself up for that one.

    Is it old fashioned? Yes.

    Is it still as charming as ever? Probably moreso, now… since men don’t tend to do it anymore.

  • Christopherm55105

    Do you open car doors for a female friend 

  • Christopherm55105

    Do you open car doors for a new female friend, but the relationship could potentially become more than friends in the future?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sam-Norte/100003762921870 Sam Norte

    I opened the car door for a lady at the beginning of a date and I got laid later that night. Just sayin.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1661244588 RoseAnn Pagano DeMers

    This one’s for you Rick…….

  • Sonia

    I feel that a man can show his humility in many other ways other than opening car doors. Maybe I am not as “old fashioned” as we split the bills on dates, just like how in the future when we get married, both of us will nurture our kids and work together. We are partners, nobody should be treated better than the other. We respect each other and show kindness in many other ways.

  • Anna

    Real men believe in gender equality, and people who believe in gender equality don’t treat one sex differently than the other. Guys should open doors for people. Girls should open doors for people. Guys should not show more respect for one gender than the other, because we are all equal. Guys, shouldn’t open doors for me because I am a woman. Open doors for guys and girls because we are children of God with dignity as persons.

  • Ahmad

    If she has two arms and hands that ain’t broken, she can open her own door. This isn’t the 20th century it’s 2013.

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