Ladies, STOP Lusting After Your Pastor

I remember having a conversation with a pastor friend of mine who happens to be a female.  She was sharing the various unique things that women in the church struggle with and things they have confided in her.  One of the things that she shared made me have one of those “hmm” moments.  She stated that women that she’s talked w/ in various churches struggle with the fact that They Think Their Pastor’s Sexy!  Not to be confused with the popular country music song “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy.” Not only do they think their Pastor’s Sexy, but they struggle with their mind and eyes wandering into inappropriate places.  It becomes a challenge because they will have these lustful thoughts as their pastor is speaking. The same can be true for men with a female pastors or lust in general.

Many pastors teach the concept out of the book Every Mans Battle called “Bouncing Your Eyes.” In other words, don’t keep your eyes focused on someone of the opposite sex for too long.   Keeping your eyes moving can keep you out of trouble.  This is something that is stereotypically geared towards guys… but what about the ladies?  There is a book called Every Womans Battle, although I have not heard anything about the content.

After my conversation with my female pastor friend, it’s probably fair for me to make the assumption that there are women sitting in pews and seats of churches all around the country that may be struggling with the inability to “Bounce Their Eyes;”  especially as their eyes are having to be fixated on their “Sexy Pastor,” who happens to be in front of them for relatively lengthy periods of time each and every week.  The fact that their pastor is a man of God, tells great stories and seems to be rather put together only increases the the sexiness factor.

The thoughts running through their head might be something like this: He’s Hot, I like that suit, Are those True Religion Jeans, He’s so spiritual, I wish my husband treated me like that, He’s so Handsome, Nice Hair, He dresses so fly, I can tell he’s been working out, He’s so considerate, I know he’s married but, I would, I wonder if I can share that with him, I bet he… After thinking these thoughts, their mind wanders for a moment or two or three or four and unfortunately, this cycle can repeat itself on a weekly basis.  The Bible says this: ”But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28  Ladies this passage applies to you as well, so please Stop Lusting After Your Pastor!

God created us with a unique ability to train and control our eyes, actions and mind.  Exercise your ability and gain control.

Do women get a pass? Is this a problem? How does play into the overall adultery scheme of things? Share your thoughts.

  • The struggle with sexual temptation certainly isn’t the exclusive domain of men. I can’t say that I’ve struggled with lusting after my pastor… but I’ve also never had a pastor that I’ve considered “Hot!” While I’m sure pastors aren’t immune, my observation has been that worship leaders are more frequently involved in adultery situtations… and presumably, targets of “lust” as well. (In many churches, there’s not much difference between a praise team and band, or a worship song and a love song, so pretty easy to blur the lines…)

    Do women get a pass? I don’t think they get a pass as much as they fly under the radar. But they also don’t get nearly the level of support that men do in this area. I’m a woman who has struggled with something that is traditionally considered a “male” sin: pornography. A few years ago, I began to blog about it… and was overwhelmed by how many other women responded (privately) that they also shared the same struggles. 

    • ScottWilliams

      Wow thanks for sharing and thanks for your perspective… you are dean on when it comes to the worship pastors and often times they have as much time as the senior pastor as it relates to being in front of the congregation.  

      Thanks again for your honesty and candid perspective.

  • I hope he’s not wearing True Religion jeans. Any pastor wearing $350 worth of denim has his priorities all out of whack. 🙂

    • ScottWilliams

      Hmm I wrote a post about this very exact thing a couple years ago… may be time to revisit it. It created some great dialogue.

  • I am a single college girl and I completely admire my pastor. Although I do not know him on a personal level because he is over many churches, I still look up to him in a very admirable way. Sometimes I will have thoughts about what you mentioned in this post but I know they aren’t right. What I do is gear them towards pure ideas such as “I would love to find that quality in my future husband” or “I am so thankful to have such a godly man to be inspired by and to lead the Church”. It’s definitely no free pass. Women struggle with lust just like men do and it definitely takes intentional work to deflect those thoughts. 

    • ScottWilliams

      Thanks for your candor…  the shifting of your thoughts towards pure ideas is an internal version of bouncing your eyes and that’s great.  The whole thought process is what’s key.

      What I do is gear them towards pure ideas such as “I would love to find that quality in my future husband” or “I am so thankful to have such a godly man to be inspired by and to lead the Church”

  • I think this is a great post. No one wants to talk about the fact that Christian women struggle with lust, and pastors and ministry leaders are not exempt from lustful eyes. 

    Brave post. Great job.

    • ScottWilliams

      Thnx Sarah… leaders probably need to teach more about this and be sure to include women in these discussions.

  • Amy

    Along these lines I have been struggling with these kind of thoughts about someone I do pro life work with, Only know him over phone and computer but just had to fight urge to go check out his pic again.

    • ScottWilliams

      Thx for sharing, try Tayler’s approach or discontinue interaction

  • Deb Mccub

    As a Pastor’s wife I have always had the ability to discern women in the church and I only have to be there a couple if times to figure out which women could be a problem and I send a word of warning to my husband. A woman told me once that if something happened to me she would be pursuing my husband. I laughed but I have no doubt that she is telling me the truth. I have found that women who only want the pastor to pray with them, doesn’t come to church if the pastor isn’t there, gets offended if the pastor doesn’t speak to her every service, etc is a woman that has more on her mind than just serving Jesus. My husband will never counsel a woman alone. I don’t believe it is just looks they are attracted too. I believe there are women who are attracted to the fantasy that a pastor is always compassionate, never gets mad, is never moody, he always listens, he understands my feelings and life is perfect. They don’t see reality. They don’t see the sacrifice a Pastor’s family makes for him to be available to the flock. I know a woman who asked the Pastor when he was praying with her if it would be wrong for her to pray for God to give her another eoman’s husband (meaning him). She thought everything in her life would be perfect if she could just marry him. Men are sight driven and women are emotion and touch driven and they allow emotional needs to lead them.

    • ScottWilliams

      Thanks for your perspective…  It’s important to be wise and to put as many methods in place to minimize risks.  You are totally right this isn’t always about looks, the emotional piece and perception is key.

  • guest

    lolol, They should have came to the churches I been too. All the churches I went to are gifted and have the discerning of spirit. So if any women were fantasying after the Pastor, then God will show that Pastor and that Pastor, would move far away from them or expose them. But there are some women who do have problems such as , transferring spirits. There was a case where this women was prayed for by a dirty Pastor . She stated after he layed hands on her, she started to have inappropriate thoughts about every man of god she sees. She wasn’t like that before. Yes, there are women that entertain lust, but there are women who struggle in their minds and needs deliverance from it.

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