Big Is The New Small

My wife and I had the opportunity to teach a Prep For Marriage class this weekend.  We get the opportunity to do this about once a quarter and it’s always a great time to help couples begin the conversation, understand the importance of communication and most importantly learning to put God first in their relationship.

One of the exercises that we always do, is separate the couples by gender and engage in them in a conversation.  Their assignment is simple for the ladies: Come up with a Top 10 List of the Top 10 Things All Men Need To Know About Women and then for the men: Come up up with a Top 10 list of the Top 10 Things All Women Need To Know About Men.  Today I’m going to share the Top 10 List The Guys Came up with.  I will share the  Ladies’ List tomorrow. 

Top 10 Things All Women Need To Know About Men:

1. We enjoy sports and need time to watch our sports.
2. We are not mind readers, say what’s really on your mind.
3. We need our time alone: guys night out, man cave…
4. We need and desire sex.
5. We want to be the leader and the protector… let us lead.
6. When we say nothing is wrong, “Nothing is wrong” nothing means nothing!
7. We don’t like shopping/looking with you… we like in-and-out shopping.
8. We want to be respected and appreciated.
9. We don’t remember many dates, maybe even special dates.
10. We don’t like chick flix.

Share your thoughts on this list and add any additional things Women Need To Know About Men.

I remember early on in my career as a young leader receiving some valuable advice form my leadership mentor in corrections.  I was an ambitious 25 years old Warden and my mentor and I sat in my office while he told me this:  “Scott your biggest challenge is that you are always three or so steps ahead of your staff and you will need to learn to balance your aggressive visionary spirit with being patient at the same time.” 

It took me some time to reflect on whether or not his statement was a compliment; however whether or not it was a compliment really didn’t matter.  The reality was that his statement was spot-on true.  I had to learn to stay a few steps ahead of my team in thought, while at the same time being patient with them and allowing them learn from their mistakes.

I was always the young dreamer that was thinking, planning, evaluating and ready to charge the hill.  I Had To Re-Evaluate My Leadership Style; from that meeting forward I began to learn the art of knowing where  we needed to be as an organization, arranging the right people in the right places and being patient with my staff.  This allowed both of us to grow and develop as leaders.  It’s a great Paradoxical Leadership philosophy: Leading Ahead While Being Patient.  Below are three ways to Lead Ahead While Being Patient and be a Paradoxical Leader.

• Always know where your team members are personally, spiritually & developmentally (Stay 3 steps ahead of them)
• Know the areas where your team members will struggle, fumble & need improvement (Be patient and let them struggle)
• Evaluate, Re-evaluate, Evaluate, Re-evaluate, Make Tough Decisions & Grow (Lead ahead, be patient and adjust accordingly) 

Does this make any sense to you?  It does to me, maybe that’s because I’m just 3 or so steps ahead of you…  Don’t worry, I’ll be patient!

Share your thoughts on the need to re-evaluate leadership styles!  What has been your experience with Paradoxical Leadership?

This short video challenges our standard view about Fathers Day.  Please share your thoughts and add any additional perspectives. A Different Look At Fathers Day: think big… Think Small!

Sometimes we have to realize that It’s Not Enough! 

• It’s Not Enough to say that you want to be a good parent… Be one!
• It’s Not Enough to not be alone with someone of the opposite sex… Capture sinful thoughts!
• It’s Not Enough to be a ministry leader… Feel the weight and responsibility of your calling!
• It’s Not Enough to be a leader… Make more leaders!
• It’s Not Enough to not use profanity around certain people… Don’t curse at all!
• It’s Not Enough to say you don’t have a problem w/ female pastors… Let em’ lead & Let em’ preach!
• It’s Not Enough to say that you want to be a difference maker… Make a difference!
• It’s Not Enough to say that you love your spouse… Put their needs above yours!
• It’s Not Enough to be a copy-cat… Be an original!
• It’s Not Enough to say “I’ve Seen Enough, Had & Done Enough”… See More, Want More & Do More!

It’s Not Enough!  Think big… Think Small!

There is nothing better than being a father… I mean does it get any better than raising, teaching and developing mini you’s.  I have two son’s (Wesley 10) and (Jayden 6) with two very active schedules.  My boys generally play sports or are involved in some kind of camp almost year around.  My wife and I are always attending a practice or game between both of their schedules.

One of the things that I have noticed about both of my boys, is the fact that they seem to perform different when I’m around.  It doesn’t matter  whether we are talking about practices, games, karate, school events, school plays etc.; when I come around things seem to change.  They try a little harder, they look to the sidelines or in the stands for approval, they look for dad to give them that big thumbs up, high-five, smile or #FistBump.  They understand that no matter how good or bad they perform, daddy is still going to have some encouragement for them; however that doesn’t stop them from trying their best please their daddy.

I began to think about how this concept applies to our Heavenly Father.  No matter what we do God is in the stands watching, He is cheering us on when we’re performing and encouraging us when we are not.  Maybe we should take a play out of my boys and I’m sure your children’s playbook.  We must learn to truly appreciate the fact that the Creator of Heaven and Earth is always in the stands and on the sidelines of this serious game we call ”life” and He desires to give his children a thumbs up, high-five or #FistBump for a job well done.  If we hit a foul ball we know God is still there to give us some encouragement; however that’s no excuse to not to put our faith into action and give it our all.

Just like my boys act a little different when their Father is watching; those of us who are Christ followers must recognize that God is always in the stands watching us and cheering us on at all times. 

God Is Watching… We need to act like it!

How different would the world, our lives and our daily game be if we truly acted like God is watching at all times?  Share your thoughts on this post!

Get Your Priorities Straight!

1. Get your priorities straight with God.
2. Get your priorities straight with your spouse.
3. Get your priorities straight with your family.
4. Get your priorities straight with your job, your time, your leadership…
5. Get your priorities straight in that area or those areas that just popped into your head.

Decide how you would like each of these areas to look, embrace the cost and the loss… and go make it happen.  Don’t wait until tomorrow, get on the straight road today and Get Your Priorities Straight!

I need to get my priorities straight… Do You?  Share your thoughts? 

I pulled up to the stoplight as usual and there he was… that he that I’m referring to was the panhandler!  There is a different panhandler at this intersection every morning; however it was something about this panhandler that took me to school.  In other-words this panhandler began to pan out some really valuable leadership/life lessons. 

 Here are 10 Leadership Lessons From a Panhandler that I learned during a 2 minute stoplight: (He’s not the one pictured in this post)

1. You never get a second chance to make a first impression (Why should I give to you right now)  Make your first impressions count.
2. Your message needs to be clear and concise (Hungry, Broke, Homeless…)  Cast a clear vision, have a clear direction.
3. Respect your clients (Don’t be over bearing)  Know, respect, and appreciate your customers and followers.
4. Persistence Pays (Don’t be to proud to beg and ask… and beg and ask)  If you don’t succeed at first, get a bigger hammer.
5. Make eye contact (When you look someone in the eyes, you might just see their heart)  Non-verbal communication is verbal.
6. Location and Timing (Location and timing are critical, good intersection and during a stoplight)  Know when to hold em’, when to…
7. People follow those with a following (Once one person gives, so will others)  The best way to get people to follow, is to get people to follow.
8. Be Genuine (People can read a phony from a mile away… or even a stoplight away)  Truly care about what your people & the mission.
9. Dress for Success (Look the part, dress the part… attire/look does matter)  The appearance of success is the on-ramp to success.
10. Be Appreciative and Thank God (“Hungry anything will help, God Bless”)  You have what you have because God allowed you to!  Thank God!

Share your thoughts on this post?  What Leadership Lessons have you learned from unlikely places?

I have been dropping my two son’s Jayden (6yo) and Wesley (10yo) off at Basketball Camp this week.  I always give them the same pep talk before every sporting event or game and each talk ends with me asking them one simple question.  The question I always ask is ”Son, what are the two things that you can control?” and they respond “Attitude and Effort!”  That’s Right… Now Go Get em’!

This got me to thinking about leadership and the 2 Things That Leaders Can Control.  Leaders can control their Attitude and their Effort.

1. Attitude-  A leader’s attitude is one of the most important factors when evaluating the health of a team.  If a leader has a “Can-Do” attitude, that attitude will generally rub off on those that follow.  If a leader has a crappy/negative attitude, then you can expect to have a bunch of crappy/negative employees.  Leaders have a choice every single day as to how their attitude will be and that choice will inevitably affect their team…  So if you’re a leader, Choose Wisely!   Quote: I CAN is 100 times more important than IQ.
2. Effort-  The bottom line is that you get out what you put in.  The amount of effort that a leader spends dreaming, thinking, plotting, planning, directing, planning, training, developing, believing, thinking, trying, utting forth effort directly impact the results.  This doesn’t mean do all the work and burn the midnight-oil, it means if you want to be a successful leader you have got to put some effort into having a successful team and put forth the effort in all areas to be successful. Quote: We are responsible for the effort, not the outcome.

NBA coaching legend Pat Riley says it best, as he sums up the two of these principles in one great quote: Great effort springs naturally from great attitude.~Pat Riley

How have you seen these two things negative or positively impact a leaders success?  Overall Thoughts?

I don’t know if you are familiar with the phrase “If You’re Scared… Go To Church” but I remember while growing up this being a common phrase that my peers would use to talk smack about being scared.  This phrase was used on the basketball court, used to challenge the fellas to ask a girl on a date or used in any context of fear or being scared.  In other-words if you showed some sort of fearful hesitation someone would spout off “If You’re Scared… Go To Church!”

I hadn’t thought of that phrase for as long as I can remember, until just the other day for some reason it popped into my head.  The other night me and my two sons Wesley (10) and Jayden (6) decided to go on a bike ride while my wife cleaned out their closets (we didn’t want any part of helping).  We actually rode a good ways to see some of our old neighbors in our previous neighborhood. 

We were all riding in somewhat of a single-file line; however there was one problem, every time we rode over one of those drainage-grates in the street, my 6yo. son Jayden would literally fall off of his bike and slide in the middle of the street.  He was petrified to ride across those drainage-gratess and wasn’t havong any part of it.  Although, he had a helmet on he didn’t have any protective knee or elbow gear and I was getting a little worried.  After several dad-to-son pep talks and through his big crocodile tears; I literally forced Jayden to ride across the drainage grate.  Through the tears, you could see the joy and now he rides across the drainage-grates like a “Big-Boy!”

I think I’ve come to understand maybe what the original intent/context was for the phrase “If You’re Scared… Go To Church!”  Scripture clearly says in 2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us the spirit of fear.  If you’re fearing something you might need to go to church and trust the God of the Heavens and The Earth.  Again, if you’re fearing something, no matter what it is… remember that fear is not from God because He has not given us the spirit of fear.

What drainage-grates in your life do you need to forced to ride over?  Share your thoughts on the paralyzing affects of fear? If You’re Scared… Go To Church!

The art of self-promotion is more important than you think.  When it comes to self-promotion, often times you will hear people make comments like: ”I don’t want to be a self-promoter or He/She is just a self-promoter.”  Self-promotion is seen as some negative or derogatory thing.  If I ask you to think of some self-promoters, you will come up with names like Chuck Norris, Donald Trump, P. Diddy. I would argue that we are all self-promoters, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was a Self-promoter and even Jesus Was A Self-Promoter.  Check these definitions of self-promotion:

Self-promotion: A message issued by or on behalf of a person.  Encouragement of the progress or growth or acceptance of a person.

Every time you have an interaction with anyone whether be online or in person, you are promoting yourself.  You are promoting a message online, at church, at work, in your business, at your kids school, at Starbucks, in your commercials, on your business cards, your life, your handshake, your swag, your non-verbal communication, your vibe, interaction with others…  The bottom line is that you’re issuing a message about yourself, by yourself in everything that you do. 

The sky is not falling Chicken Little, Everything Is Not Doom and Gloom and Self-promotion does not have to be viewed as pejorative.  You’re A Self Promoter… Like It Or Not!  Jesus Was A Self-Promoter and today He is still in the business of promoting grace, mercy and redemption. 

The question is not whether you’re a self-promoter, but rather “What are you promoting?”  Are you promoting the good stuff?   Florida Quarterback Tim Tebow has been called a Self-promoter, take a look at his picture at the top of this blog post and look at his highly promoted eyeblack; he’s definitely promoting something (John 3:16) and it’s the good stuff.  Are you promoting the good stuff? 

Was Jesus a Self-Promoter?  Why is Self-Promotion viewed negatively?   Share your thoughts on Self-promotion!