Big Is The New Small

The other day my eight year old son Wesley and I were having our daily download after school; in which he tells me how his day was, what he did at school…..  Part of the conversation went like this “Dad this kid at school named Jacob said that this girl was on crack! What does that mean?”  grin, lol, li, ahhh $#1@&^/   

Pardon my sometimes warped sense of humor, but this had me (li) laughing inside!   I wasn’t laughing at the ingorance of the statement, but rather the innocence of the question “What does that mean?”

My question to all of my blogsphere friends is: How would you have responded to that question?  Share your funny responses, serious responses, ridiculous responses; just share your responses!   

BTW- If you want to hear some lessons learned from kids; check out Swerve.  

Last week I was visiting with a lady who is currently going through a divorce.  As we were talking, I realized that she is in a really difficult situation because she is basically “Married Without a Spouse.”  In other words; she has been separated for about a year pending the finalization of her divorce and is in an awkward limbo.  Here are a few questions that she asks herself, that makes her situation really awkward:

• How do I encourage couples w/ a struggling marriage?
• How do I engage in couple, family and marriage conversations?
• What do I do the weeks that I have my kids and the weeks that I don’t?
• Do I attend a small group for married couples or singles?
• Do I feel guilty moving forward with divorce, even with biblical grounds?

These are just a few questions; however the list goes on and on.  There are times in our lives that we just need some closure on a particular situation; to allow God to take us to the next season.  Unfortunately, there are also those times when we have to weather the Winter Storm, as frigid as it may be; in order to reach the Spring.   

Are you “Married Without a Spouse” in other words, are there areas of your life in which you are in an awkward limbo; waiting for the next season?  How do you handle the storms?  Share your thoughts!

Let’s talk about one of those Big Pink Elephant in the Room subjects that no one wants to talk about; yes I’m talking about Sex Offenders and the church.  I worked with an exclusive sex offender population for many years during my career in corrections.  It was during those years that I realized that Sex Offenders were one of the few populations that were treated differently; both behind the walls of a prison and on the streets of society.   Let’s be honest sex offenders are definitely not treated nice in prison and they can be treated equally as bad by their neighbors/society when they are released.     

The real question is should sex offenders be treated differently by the church and faith communities.  There is overwhelming research that sex offenders have the propensity to re-offend, which puts everyone on red alert.  That’s why Sex Offenders are all in a national database and are required to register upon their release.  There are over a half million registered sex offenders in the U.S.; Texas leads the nation with well over 51,000 registered sex offenders and Florida is a close second.  If you put a truth serum in most Christians they will tell you that they are uncomfortable around and even scared of sex offenders; especially when it comes to their children.  Let’s face it, insurance companies even have exclusionary clauses for churches that hire or allow sex offenders to volunteer; in other words no coverage. 

The church must play a critical role in helping sex offenders develop a relationship with Christ; in order for them to restore their lives, rebuild relationships and have freedom from certain thoughts/behaviors.  Hmmmmm, this same process applies to each of us and our sinful nature! 

Should Sex Offenders be allowed to be on staff, volunteer or be in a role that officially represents a church?  Is it appropriate for Sex Offenders to volunteer w/ children? Share your thoughts!

What I am going to share might not be popular, sexy, or politically correct; however I am going to say it anyway “It’s All About the Numbers.”  Yes, I am referring to the number of people that attend our church and your church each and every weekend.  The reason that “It’s All About the Numbers” is because behind each and every one of those numbers is a name.  About six years ago my family and I were simply some numbers that walked through the doors of LifeChurch.tv and some years later we represent Scott, LaKendria, Wesley and Jayden who’s lives are continuing to be changed.  Many of you have the exact same story or know someone with a story similar to mine; a number that walked through the doors of a church, which now represents a fully engaged partner of a church.  Here are some stats to gnaw on:

• 195 million non-churched people in America
• Only China, India and Indonesia have more lost people
• Each year 3,500 to 4,000 churches close their doors forever
• Each year only 1,100 to 1,500 new churches are started

On the Swerve blog, Craig is posting a series titled the “Future of the Church.”  In his post today (read it here) he discussed some of the changes churches made to be more “seeker sensitive.”   Although we are making some progress, in my opinion of the nearly 400,000 churches in America, there is far too many that:

• Assume everyone is a believer when they come to church.
• Assume everyone knows the language, has a Bible, or even cares about Christ.
• Are more inward-focused.

Yes, some churches need to change the way they think; however it’s time for us to get off of our politically correct, lazy, comfortable, and scared to say the wrong thing behinds and bring people through our doors.  Remember that every number represents a name!  

When was the last time you invited someone to church?  Is it all about the numbers?  Share your thoughts!

RANDOM BULLETS   

Increase Your Blog Traffic:  Go to the BlogRush widget at the bottom right of my blog and click on the “Add You Blog Posts- Free.”  It will increase your blog traffic!

Quotes:

• The ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people- Woodrow Wilson

• We tend to become what the most important person in our life thinks we will become- Author Unknown
• I act knowing someday this job will end, life is finite not infinite- Movie The Kingdom

Blogs and Sites to Check out:

• Blessed By Burdens- A site providing opportunities for people to be a blessing to others…..
• Robin Meadows- A home school mom w/ seven kids and good insight
• Ragamuffinsoul- Cool worship pastor recently featured on LA Ink

LifeChurch.tv:

• Supernatural series starts this weekend, it’s going to be awesome!
• Baptism Bash this weekend
• Craig gave an amazing talk at All Staff Yesterday, “I still have a headache from the talk!”

Life:

• My oldest son Wesley asked me, why I made my youngest son Jayden’s birthday before his. LOL
• My 4 yr. old son Jayden scored like four goals in one soccer game
• I am currently in a good season!

Questions:

• Do you know your neighbors names?
• Why do Home Depot/Lowes and Walgreens/CVS build stores across from one another?
• Did you and do your kids trick-or-treat?
• Who’s going to win the College Football National Championship?

My Sooners have a big game this weekend and you have a great weekend!

I remember when I got my first job as a warden of an adult penitentiary.  I was actually replacing a guy who had been a warden for many years and had that “Old School” warden mentality.  An “Old School” warden would basically sit behind their desk and give directions and not spend much time walking the yard and talking; similar to some “Old School” pastors.  My first week on the job, I asked the current Warden if we could walk the yard/units together; and I was amazed at the responses that we got from the inmates.  Many were yelling and saying “We have not seen that guy walk through here in over a year.”  I had some successful experience operating juvenile correctional facilities; however this was my first adult corrections leadership opportunity.  My philosophy was to always walk the yard, walk the units and talk to the inmates, while empowering my staff to do the same; you would be amazed at the difference that it makes. 

I would walk the units every day and field a bunch of complaints and begin to build relationships.  As the weeks went by the complaints were down, inmates began to respond differently to one another; as well as being more respectful of the guards.  Incidents and behavioral problems began to decline and there was an awkwardly comfortable feeling.  What was happening!  Could it be the fact that people are beginning to care about people; as well as accepting their role?  Could it be that the inmates are being respectful, because they are being respected?  Could it be that the correctional staff began to realize that it is OK to be firm and still treat people with dignity?  Could it be that the “Old School” doesn’t always work and we can learn something from the “New School?”  Could it be that loving your neighbor as yourself, might just have some positive implications?

What are some situations where the “Old School” method didn’t or doesn’t work?  What “New School” methods in your church, business, or life are working?  Could it be………?

Last week Craig posted a blog on Swerve entitled “Where is God Working” in which he asked people to share some churches where God is doing something special…..  There were a ton of churches shared from around the country and I have been checking out many of the websites.  I ran across a comment that I thought was complimentary and intriguing; the NW Oklahoma City Campus of LifeChurch.tv was mentioned in a comment by Jimmy Paravane.  His comment also made me think about the about the “A-Word” Assume/Assumptions.  Below is the exact comment:

“3 churches in OKC come to mind. 1. The NW OKC Campus of LifeChurch.tv at http://www.lifechurch.tv/?p=745. Scott Williams is black! What’s he doing as Campus Pastor of a white-flight mega-multi-site church! Some of my assumptions about LifeChurch.tv could just possibly be wrong. This MAY call for some further research.”

I had read a post over a month ago entitled “Stereotype” from my friend in the blogsphere Anne Jackson; in which she outlined the stereotypical contemporary church pastor.  For the most part it’s accurate, I just happen to be the exception instead of the rule.  The post on Swerve today entitled “Kingdom Minded” really sheds light on assuming, divisiveness and speaking well of others.  If we don’t make any assumptions or only assume the best about people, pastors, ministries, styles…. it changes our perspective.   I am not saying that some of the assumptions and stereotypes are not accurate, I’m simply saying be careful and remember when we ASSUME, it can make a _ _ _ out of you and me.  

BTW- What am I doing as Campus Pastor of a white-flight mega-multi-site church? 

We are all guilty of assuming and stereotyping pastors and churches.  What are some stereotypes or assumptions that you have about: Contemporary Churches, LifeChurch.tv, Joel Osteen, “The Black Church,” Baptist Churches…..?  

Do you have the gift of no?  I am not talking about saying no when it’s absolutely necessary; I’m talking about saying no simply for your own convenience.  You know what I’m talking about, when your kids ask you if they can do something and you just say No!  Most of the time there is not any rational reason for you saying No, except for the fact that it is convenient and easy.  It sounds like this in my world with my 8 and 4 year old sons: “Dad can I get a Popsicle?” “No”  “Dad can I stay the night with Johnny?” “No”  “Dad can I help with that?” “No, your not big enough”………… and the list goes on and on.    Research shows that 77% of everything we think is negative and counterproductive.  Children that grow up in an “average household” hear “No” and are told what they can’t do more than 148,000 times by the time they are 18. (Ouch)  “Sounds like we need some Joel Osteen, in our lives.”  J  I recently talked with a buddy of mine about this and he acknowledged that his wife has similar struggles with saying no to their two daughters.  Hmmmm….. Maybe it’s some sort of “Just Deal With It” mentality for our children that are the same sex.  I have personally been convicted and I am learning to give away, The Gift of No!  I am turning into a Yes Man, and my kids and wife love it.

Do you have ”The Gift of No!”  Share your thoughts!   

I was reading Swerve this morning and Craig was talking about Hesitant Pastors.  There was a list of bullets that are signs outlining that you have become a hesitant leader, such as: inability to make hard decisions, second guessing decisions, seeking affirmation, being motivated by fear instead of faith….  I think that this same list of hesitancy’s applies to our lives as spouses, employees, pastors, leaders….  I tend to make decisions knowing that I would much rather ask for “Forgiveness” instead of “Permission.”  This really provides me the opportunity to lead boldly, make tough decisions and not to second guess myself.  I am not saying that I am going to sell my house and then decide to talk w/ my wife afterwards; however I am saying I use discernment and make a decision.  I am already encouraging my sons to push-back and make decisions in reasonable situations, rather than always asking Mom and Dad for permission.   I have encouraged employees in the past and current team members to adopt this same philosophy.  This philosophy can create some challenges; however it’s healthy leadership development.   We must remember 2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear.  The slightest hint of fear can allow us to become hesitant parents, leaders, spouses….    Go ahead and make those decisions, use discernment, lead boldly, while at the same time understanding that you might have to ask for “Forgiveness.” 

Do you tend to ask for “Permission” or “Forgiveness?”  When was the last time you made a decision, knowing that you might have to ask for forgiveness?  Share your thoughts!

I am not an Oklahoma State University football fan; however I have always liked OSU Head Football Coach Mike Gundy and his candor with the media. During Gundy’s post-game press conference following a win over Texas Tech, Gundy went off about an article written by Jenni Carlson about former OSU starting quarterback Bobby Reid. You can check out the article here.  I thought that it was interesting that the article talks about puking and so did Gundy.

Watch this video rant in it’s entirety and  share your thoughts!  Consider these questions: Do we need this same passion, as it relates to Satan’s attacks, Christian Selfishness and the state of the American Church?  When was the last time you, or someone that you know went on a rant and stood up for something that you/they believed in?  Is it necessary to “Go Off” sometimes; in order to get your point across?