Big Is The New Small

I remember having a conversation with a pastor friend of mine who happens to be a female.  She was sharing the various unique things that women in the church struggle with and things they have confided in her.  One of the things that she shared made me have one of those “hmm” moments.  She stated that women that she’s talked w/ in various churches struggle with the fact that They Think Their Pastor’s Sexy!  Not to be confused with the popular country music song “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy.” Not only do they think their Pastor’s Sexy, but they struggle with their mind and eyes wandering into inappropriate places.  It becomes a challenge because they will have these lustful thoughts as their pastor is speaking. The same can be true for men with a female pastors or lust in general.

Many pastors teach the concept out of the book Every Mans Battle called “Bouncing Your Eyes.” In other words, don’t keep your eyes focused on someone of the opposite sex for too long.   Keeping your eyes moving can keep you out of trouble.  This is something that is stereotypically geared towards guys… but what about the ladies?  There is a book called Every Womans Battle, although I have not heard anything about the content.

After my conversation with my female pastor friend, it’s probably fair for me to make the assumption that there are women sitting in pews and seats of churches all around the country that may be struggling with the inability to “Bounce Their Eyes;”  especially as their eyes are having to be fixated on their “Sexy Pastor,” who happens to be in front of them for relatively lengthy periods of time each and every week.  The fact that their pastor is a man of God, tells great stories and seems to be rather put together only increases the the sexiness factor.

The thoughts running through their head might be something like this: He’s Hot, I like that suit, Are those True Religion Jeans, He’s so spiritual, I wish my husband treated me like that, He’s so Handsome, Nice Hair, He dresses so fly, I can tell he’s been working out, He’s so considerate, I know he’s married but, I would, I wonder if I can share that with him, I bet he… After thinking these thoughts, their mind wanders for a moment or two or three or four and unfortunately, this cycle can repeat itself on a weekly basis.  The Bible says this: ”But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28  Ladies this passage applies to you as well, so please Stop Lusting After Your Pastor!

God created us with a unique ability to train and control our eyes, actions and mind.  Exercise your ability and gain control.

Do women get a pass? Is this a problem? How does play into the overall adultery scheme of things? Share your thoughts.

I remember having a conversation with a pastor friend of mine who happens to be a female.  She was sharing the various unique things that women in the church struggle with and things they have confided in her.  One of the things that she shared made me have one of those “hmm” moments.  She stated that women that she’s talked w/ in various churches struggle with the fact that They Think Their Pastor’s Sexy!  Not to be confused with the popular country music song “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy.” Not only do they think their Pastor’s Sexy, but they struggle with their mind and eyes wandering into inappropriate places.  It becomes a challenge because they will have these lustful thoughts as their pastor is speaking. The same can be true for men with a female pastors or lust in general.

Many pastors teach the concept out of the book Every Mans Battle called “Bouncing Your Eyes” in other words don’t keep your eyes focused on someone of the opposite sex for too long.   Keeping your eyes moving can keep you out of trouble.  This is something that is stereotypically geared towards guys… but what about the ladies?  There is a book called Every Womans Battle, although I have not heard anything about the content.

After my conversation with my female pastor friend; it’s probably fair for me to make the assumption that there are women sitting in pews and seats of churches all around the country that may be struggling with the inability to “Bounce Their Eyes.”  As their eyes are having to fixated on their “Sexy Pastor,” who happens to be in front of them for relatively lengthy periods of time each and every week.  The fact that their pastor is a man of God, tells great stories and seems to be rather put together only increases the the sexiness factor.

The thoughts running through their head might be something like this: He’s Hot, I like that suit, Are those True Religion Jeans, He’s so spiritual, I wish my husband treated me like that, He’s so Handsome, Nice Hair, He dresses so fly, I can tell he’s been working out, He’s so considerate, I know he’s married but, I would, I wonder if I can share that with him, I bet he… After thinking these thoughts, their mind wanders for a moment or two or three or four and unfortunately, this cycle can repeat itself on a weekly basis.  The Bible says this… ”But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28  Ladies this passage applies to you as well, so please Stop Lusting After Your Pastor!

God created us with a unique ability to train and control our eyes, actions and mind.  Exercise your ability and gain control.

Do women get a pass? Is this a problem? How does play into the overall adultery scheme of things? Share your thoughts.

As many of you know I have a 5th grade son who is matriculating to middle school.  We have already talked about the “Birds & The Bees” this year and agreed to keep an open dialogue and have progressive discussions.  Our agreement is that he can ask me anything and I will give him a straight answer.  We also agreed that these discussions are between he and I… we decided to leave mom out of the mix.

This week he came home with a little book that his parents were supposed to go through with him.  The book is called “Always Changing & Growing:  Boys Guide.” Because of our agreement he told his mom that he couldn’t talk to her about the book and he has to talk to his dad.  The first item on the discussion agenda was, “How and when is sperm developed?”

I thought I would simply share the glossary of terms that are in the book: Note- The (sarcasm) below is just for chuckles for the BigIsTheNewSmall readers, my son and I talk very candid about this stuff.

• Apocrine glands- Sweat glands under arms and genitals. (Deodorant & soap are important to a 6th grader).
• Circumcision- Medical or religious procedure by in which the Dr. or Clergy cuts away the foreskin from the penis.  (I’m considered Clergy & I’m not cutting any foreskin).
• Eccrine glands- Sweat glands all over body (Again soap is important).
• Ejaculation- Forceful release of semen from the penis. (I’m gonna try to convince him they are talking about concrete or sement).
• Erection- Hardening of the penis (Again, this will have something to do with concrete or sement setting up and getting hard).
• Foreskin- The fold of skin that covers the end of the penis.  (Uhh, I got nothing for this one).
• Penis- Male reproductive organ.  (This is an instrument you play, kinda like a piano.).
• Semen- A sticky fluid that contains sperm and various other secretions. (Again this is the consistency of concrete and sement before it hardens).
• Sperm- The male reproductive cell. (It’s like a little swimming fish that has races with other swimming fish, you were once one of these swimming fish and you were fast enough to win the race).
• Testicles- The male reproductive glands.  (Balls is the most simple answer).
• Wet dream- The ejaculation of semen out of the penis during sleep. (A wet dream is when you pee on yourself).

These are not all of the terms discussed in the book and found in the glossary; however this is the majority of them.  Although I tried to make light of the situation/terminology, I understand and embrace the seriousness of these types of discussion.  My son and I have an amazing relationship and our initial conversation about the Birds and The Bees about 6 months ago was exceptional.  I used my 7 Methods To Talk To My Son About Sex.

What are your thoughts about these terms and the whole process of talking to your kids about sex and development.  When is it too early?  Share your thoughts!

My wife and I had the opportunity to teach a Prep For Marriage class this weekend.  We get the opportunity to do this about once a quarter and it’s always a great time to help couples begin the conversation, understand the importance of communication and most importantly learning to put God first in their relationship.

One of the exercises that we always do, is separate the couples by gender and engage in them in a conversation.  Their assignment is simple for the ladies: Come up with a Top 10 List of the Top 10 Things All Men Need To Know About Women and then for the men: Come up up with a Top 10 list of the Top 10 Things All Women Need To Know About Men.  Today I’m going to share the Top 10 List The Guys Came up with.  I will share the  Ladies’ List tomorrow. 

Top 10 Things All Women Need To Know About Men:

1. We enjoy sports and need time to watch our sports.
2. We are not mind readers, say what’s really on your mind.
3. We need our time alone: guys night out, man cave…
4. We need and desire sex.
5. We want to be the leader and the protector… let us lead.
6. When we say nothing is wrong, “Nothing is wrong” nothing means nothing!
7. We don’t like shopping/looking with you… we like in-and-out shopping.
8. We want to be respected and appreciated.
9. We don’t remember many dates, maybe even special dates.
10. We don’t like chick flix.

Share your thoughts on this list and add any additional things Women Need To Know About Men.

I am so sick and tired of hearing about people having affairs; especially those who have been entrusted with a leadership role.  It doesn’t matter whether we are talking about the President, Politicians, Teachers, Pastors, Coaches…  These individuals who have been blessed with the responsibility of leadership influence; should hold that influence tightly, lightly and responsibly all at the same time.

I’m not going to get into the details of the recent pastor who has fallen into this selfish cheating trap, because his name really doesn’t matter.  He is just one of many whom have fallen and one who happened to have a social media influence; therefore instantly his story was spread like a viral wildfire.  I have some blogging friends who have blogged about it and you can read their perspectives here, here , here and here.

Honestly this selfish cheating mess is probably one of the most frustrating/irritating areas to counsel people through; especially when they just don’t get the impact of their selfish actions.  Not only do they not realize the impact, but they would have probably continued if they hadn’t got caught.  This tragedy can also be one of the most rewarding areas to celebrate/praise on the other side and through legitimate restoration.

I know people may say Scott you are naive and it can happen to anybody… but I say this with all the humility I can muster up “IT DOESN’T HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ANYBODY!”  I read through 1 Corinthians 6 again today and I don’t care what version I read, The Message, New Century, NIV… they all communicated the same thing.  Run, Flee, Your Body Is A Temple, You Were Bought By God For a Price…  As Christ Followers and especially as Christian Leaders; we don’t get to pick and choose how we act.  We are held to a higher standard and if we can really do all things through Christ who gives us strength; I have to believe that “all things” encompasses honoring our covenant vows before God and to your spouse.

None of us are perfect, we all sin, we all fall short, we all know right from wrong and I would argue that even a non-believer understands that they are not supposed to cheat on their spouse.  Either we are serious about this journey of a growing relationship with Christ or we are not…  I could go on and on but I digress. 

To My Wife:  I love you, honor you and honor our commitment before God!

Pastors or anyone else who is cheating, flirting or going down that road needs to: stop, flee and run because ultimately Satan is Playing you like a drum and Pimpin’ you like a ho!

Share Your Thoughts!

I remember having a conversation with a pastor friend of mine who happens to be a female.  She was sharing the various unique things that women in the church have confided in her about; one of the things that she shared made me have one of those hmm moments.  She stated that women have shared that They Think Their Pastor’s Sexy!  Not to be confused with the popular country music song “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy.”   Not only do they think their Pastor’s Sexy, but they struggle with their mind wandering; in addition to having lustful thoughts as they are watching and listening to their pastor speak.

Pastor Craig Groeschel teaches the art of  “Bouncing Your Eyes” in other words don’t keep your eyes focused on someone of the opposite sex for too long… keeping your eyes moving can keep you out of trouble.  This is something that is stereotypically geared towards guys… but what about the ladies?

After my conversation with my friend; it’s probably fair for me to make the assumption that there are women sitting in pews and seats of churches all around the country that may be struggling with the inability to “Bounce Their Eyes.”  As their eyes are having to fixated on their “Sexy Pastor,” who happens to be in front of them for lengthy periods of time each and every week.  The fact that their pastor is a man of God, tells great stories and seems to be rather put together only increases the the sexiness factor.

The thoughts running through their head might be something like this: He’s Hot, I like that suit, Are those True Religion Jeans, I wish my husband treated me like that, He’s so Handsome, Nice Hair, He dresses so fly, I can tell he’s been working out, I know he’s married but, I would, I bet he… After thinking these thoughts, their mind wanders for a moment or two or three or four and unfortunately, this cycle can repeat itself on a weekly basis.  The Bible says this… “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28  Ladies this passage applies to you as well, so please Stop Lusting After Your Pastor! 

• Do you think this a common/legitimate problem or simply isolated cases?  Thoughts in general!
• Does this struggle for women contribute to the vulnerability and moral failures of pastors?
• Any suggestions for the ladies, Do the ladies just get a pass?

Last year I had written a blog post in which I talked about it not being time to talk to my then 8 year old son about sex, in a post titled Let’s Talk About Sex.  Well it’s been over a year and my son will turn 10 years old on May 12th and between now and then I will officially sit down and talk to my son about the birds and the bees.

It’s becoming more evident that it’s time to have “The Talk” as he’s beginning to share conversations that his friends are having, in addition to asking questions like: “What does  it mean to have a girlfriend?”  I plan on our conversation to happen during a fellas night out with just he and I; maybe even over an ice cream sundae or some Starbucks.  Here are the 7 Methods To Talk To My Son About Sex…:

1. Ask him questions about his knowledge and understanding of what sex is.
2. Set clear boundaries of what the Bible says about sex and the fact that it’s saved for married couples. (Teach Abstinence)
3. Outline a vague anatomy of sex discussion.
4. Talk about the myths he will hear and face on television, through music, in sports at school…
5. Talk about age/continuum expectations relative to friendships, dating, relationships and girlfriends.
6. Talk about his responsibility as a young Christian leader as it relates to relationships and sex.
7. Set clear expectations for him to be able to talk to me about, or ask me questions about anything and everything under the sun.  Reminding him that I will always tell him exactly what he needs to know.  (No stupid questions, all questions are encouraged)

These are my thoughts for now and I’m looking forward and not looking forward to having this conversation at the same time.  My first born is about to be 10 years old and will be in the 5th grade next year.  This will be a big moment for my son and I have the opportunity/responsibility to make it be a moment that he will never forget.

What age did/will you talk about Sex with your children?  Did your parents sit you down and talk about sex or did you learn about the “Birds and the Bees” during recess?  Thoughts, discuss!

I was recently talking with a buddy of mine who has a teenage daughter and he was talking about the crazy things kids are learning about sex at a very early age.  I was reminded of this video below which is freakin’ ridiculous, in a good way.  We have to be able to look past the satire, to see the unfortunate reality.  We used this video in LifeChurch.tv’s Satan’s SexEd Series about two years ago. 

Watch the video in its entirety (it’s only about 2 min.) Share your thoughts!  Where should we be addressing this issue?  Church, school, home… and at what age?  PG-13

Yesterday, I was sitting at a round table haveing a discussion during lunch, after our all-staff meeting.  I was chatting with some of the other pastors and staff members.  The conversation was great until one of the other pastors made the conversation take a wide left turn.  That’s right what was a great time of dialogue turned into a conversation about penis’ and vaginas. 

Somehow we began talking about that line of inappropriateness, television, media….  One of the pastors who has a son in the same grade as my 8 year old son Wesley mentioned that he had already talked with his on about Sex.  Not only had they talked about Sex, they talked about penis’ and vaginas; “Are you freakin’ kidding me, am I supposed to be having that conversation with my son?”  Several other parents chimed in and said they have had similar conversations with their children; a few had not. 

I try to make sure that I am not that naïve and oblivious parent; however I’m not talking about sex with my third grader.  Maybe I’ll have this conversation in a couple of years, but not now.  The irony of that conversation is that Wesley and the kid, who now knows about the birds and the bees, penis and vagina style, attend the same school.  The other pastor chuckled and said that he will just have his son tell Wesley about the “Birds and the Bees” during recess.  I think I’m going to home-school, (grin) not really but it sure crossed my mind. 

What age do you talk about Sex with your children?  Did your parents sit you down and talk about sex or did you learn about the “Birds and the Bees” during recess?  Thoughts, discuss!

This video is freakin’ ridiculous, in a good way.  We used this video in last years LifeChurch.tv Satan’s SexEd Series.  Watch the video in its entirety (it’s only 2 min.) and share your thoughts, funniest parts, offensive parts…  Satan tackles some tough questions such as:

• Is oral sex sex?

• Will pre-marital sex help your relationship?

• What’s up with pornography?

• What’s the deal with masturbation?

• Homosexuality….

Do you think this video is over the top for church?  In today’s society, has sex simply become no big deal?  Share your thoughts, don’t be shy!